Explaining Adoption to a Two Year Old

From the beginning of this journey, I have always said that our child/children would always know they were adopted.  I really thought that would be simple.  As Gianna would say, "Oh, silly Mommy!"

As Gianna turned two and was able to hold amazing conversations, she also was wrapping her little brain around the fact that babies grow inside mothers' tummies.  One night during prayers, Gianna exclaimed, "And Ms.Chellie has a baby in her tummy.  And Ms. Kate has a baby in her tummy. And Ms. Crystal has a baby in her tummy. And Ms. Sarah has a baby in her tummy."  I thought it was so sweet she was remember these expectant mothers in her prayers.  And then she said, "And Mommy has a baby in her tummy!" Oh, my word --- my heart just broke.  It wasn't even that I wanted to pregnant - it was that the first time I realized that she might be crushed to know that she didn't grow inside of me. "Oh no, sweetheart....Mommy doesn't have a baby in her tummy.  But we are going to pray that Jesus sends us a baby for our family. Would you like that?"  Oh, I wish you could have seen her face. Her eyes wides and her whispered voice became increasingly audible. "Yyyyyyyeeeesssss!?"

I knew I had to come up with a game plan to help her understand her story.  The next night we began to pray for her birthmother.  I asked her if she knew that she grew in someone else's tummy. "Oh yes." she told me.  So now when asked whose tummy she grew in - she answers, "My birthmother."  That's a start.  We'll add to the story bit by bit. 

Sometimes it pains me that we have a closed adoption (birthmother's choice). I want to give my daughter answers or at least a name to pray for and maybe even a picture.  But that's not an option at this point...so until then, I'll just tell her what I know:  that she was loved so much by two different mothers -- one who carried her in her tummy and one who carried her in heart.

Maybe I'll show her this video of another birthmother's testimony.  It moves me to my core....

Saying Yes to Life

This past Saturday evening (January 22, 2011) our family participated in our local March for Life.  The coordinators of the event approached me to speak at the prayer service following the march.  As someone who has received an amazing gift of life, they asked me if I would share my story. It's a little rough, but I thought this would be a good place to record it....

Saying Yes to Life

We come here today to join in prayer for Life.  We’ve gathered, we’ve sung, we’ve marched and now we come to reflect and renew our commitment to life….especially life at its very beginning.

From as early as I can remember, I knew I wanted to be a mother.  It seems like every chapter in my life supported that early desire.   Even on my nursery school report card, my teacher remarked that I was a little mother hen to the other children.

I have always had a huge heart for babies and children.  This made it exceptionally painful, when I learned about the truth of abortion.  I was maybe ten old was unbelievably shocked and horrified.  I went to bed that night in tears. I prayed to God and even bargained with him.  I promised that if He would inspire these birth mothers to have their babies, that I would adopt them. I was serious. That memory is etched in my heart.

As I entered my early teens I began a long babysitting career, I spent my summers as a camp counselor, majored in elementary and special education in college.  As an adult I worked as a professional youth minister. Loving and teaching kids has been a definite theme and calling in my life from the very beginning.

The vocations of marriage and motherhood were a deep desire for me.  I just knew God had planted those desires in my heart.  As my twenties came and went….I began to have SERIOUS conversations with God about this plan of marriage and children that I thought God and I both shared.

I began doubting that vision when I found myself in my thirties – still single. Still praying. Still wondering why God wasn’t answering my prayers for a husband and children.  And just as I began to accept and embrace the single vocation as God’s plan for my life, I met the man who would later become my husband. 

Because we had a late start in marriage, we knew that there was no time to waste in planning a family.  We knew that our age could add a degree of difficulty in our effort to conceive, so growing our family became our focus.  Month after month passed. We used Natural Family Planning, so I observed and charted cycles until my eyes crossed.  Eleven months into our marriage just as we bought our first home, we discovered we were expecting a baby. Halleluiah!  I felt as though that God finally got all my memos – and everything was falling into place.  Or so it seemed. 

About five weeks into my pregnancy I knew something was wrong.   My husband was out of town…so a friend came by in wee hours of the morning and took me to the E.R. where it became clear that I was miscarrying.  For those of us who believe that life begins at conception, miscarriage isn’t just the end of a pregnancy – it the end of a life – just without a funeral.  We were devastated.  Weeks later when we received the bill from the hospital – the diagnosis circled was “spontaneous abortion.”  I was horrified to have that term applied to me.

As my husband and I healed from our loss, we looked into our future with hope.  The gift in the miscarriage was – “At least we know we can conceive.”   And for another year we lived in that hope.  But once again, things didn’t happen as we planned.  We knew that for every passing month and year, our chances to conceive lessened.  We also knew that we didn’t feel called to pursue fertility treatment, so we opened our hearts to adoption.

The world of adoption is vast, complicated, and full of emotion and uncertainty.  As we navigated our way through the ups and downs of paperwork, home studies, interviews, fingerprints, and background checks, we kept hopeful that somehow the children that were meant for us would find their way into our home and hearts.

On October 1^st of 2007 we turned in our adoption profile, which was the last step in our adoption process.  We emailed our family and friends to say we were done with the process and the waiting would begin.  We said, and I quote “…we now consider ourselves officially expecting.” In the world of adoption, it’s considered being Paper Pregnant.

A few months into our wait…our plans were challenged again when we were asked to consider the possible adoption of an older sibling set. We were stunned.  It was not at all our plan to start our family with older children.  After some hesitation and an initial “no” we finally agreed to accept these two precious children.  So with the nursery turned into a children’s room, and with love and support from family and friends we welcomed these little ones with open hearts.  Five weeks into this new and exciting chapter, they were placed back with their birth family.  Once again we were devastated. Our busy, vibrant home was empty and silent.

As we moved ahead in our journey, we healed, and prayed and were completely confused by God’s plan for our family, we could only focus on mending our hearts. We took what we called our Bandaid Vacation to help ‘make it better.” Not long after we returned, we received an unexpected call. 

“What are you doing?” the loving voice said on the other end of the phone.  I explained to our adoption sweet case worker that we had just pulled up to my parents home for supper.  “Can you change your plans?” she said. Hesitantly I asked why she wanted to  know.  “Well, because we are here at the hospital with a newborn baby waiting for her parents to pick her up.”

A birthmother chose life and chose to place her newborn baby for adoption. We were in awe and disbelief.  An hour later when the paperwork was complete we got the confirmation.  In our state the birthmother can’t sign over her rights until the baby is five days old.  Knowing the roller coaster we had been on they asked us if we wanted the baby in a transitional home until the birthmother could sign.  My husband looked at me and shook his head.  His response:  “Let’s go get our daughter.”

On the way to the hospital, still in shock about this miracle….I made a realization – causing me to gasp and my husband to panic and slam on the breaks.   “Her birthday is July 1^st !” I excitedly told my husband.  He asked if that day had any significance. “No, but I just did the math.  Remember when we turned in our adoption profile?  It was October 1^st.  That was the day we emailed everyone to let them know we were done with the process and officially expecting.”  It was exactly NINE MONTHS TO THE DAY that this precious baby girl was born.   It was also the day we began praying for the birthmothers of our children.  Apparently, it was the day that our baby was conceived in our hearts.  I knew, then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this baby was meant for us. 

We met her for the first time and fell instantly in love.  I was even wheeled out with her in a wheelchair just like all the other mothers who gave birth to their babies. God’s fingerprints were all over this adoption journey.  

So, why in the world am I here telling you of our unique journey?  I asked myself the same question.  Why is this story important at a pro-life prayer service?

As I reflected upon this question, the answer began to make itself clear.  It’s about saying yes to life and it’s about the power of that YES.  I said yes to life as a ten year old girl praying for aborted babies. We said yes to life when we got married. We said yes to life when we got pregnant.  We said yes to life when we miscarried.  We said yes to life when we took children into our home. And we said yes to life when we let them go with broken hearts. Our birthmother said yes to life when she chose to continue her pregnancy and she said yes when she chose an adoption plan for her newborn daughter.

Even though many of our yeses were painful – it gave room for God to move.  God can do immeasurable things when we give him our yes.  God used Mary’s yes to bring our Savior into our world. He used Jesus’ yes to save us from our sins.

Being pro-life is not easy in our world today.  It is full of discouragement, devastation and sadness. No matter how hard we pray, abortions still happen.  But I am here to tell you that your prayers do matter.  I’m here to tell you that your prayers may have been the ones to inspire our daughter’s birthmother to choose life.  I’m here to tell you that your prayers may have been the one that made me a mother. 

If you ever wonder if your prayers make a difference (Gianna joins me in the sanctuary) - you can remember this sweet, tired little face.

This is Gianna Elyse. 

She is our daughter and she is the face of a YES to Life.

Wondering...

I used to think potential adoption opportunities were signs from God that we were not forgotten, that we needed to hold tight, that our turn would come.  Even if there was  disappointment, I would feel comforted that we were 'on the radar.' 

A couple of days ago, a friend in Minnesota messaged me on FB of a possible situation of a baby to be born next week.  She heard about it and couldn't think of a better family than us.  To be thought of in that way was just so wonderful.  They wanted a strong Catholic family with their homestudy already complete (WOO HOO!!!) who are both in there 30's........anyone not meeting all requirements 'need not apply.'  UGH.

Iain still in his 30's (for another ten weeks) but I have already crossed that line. I always though my age was a gift and would help narrow the scope of possibilities for us.  But now, I'm wondering if my age is going to be a deal-breaker.  Even though mentally, I know that this baby wasn't meant for us....I'm starting to wonder if we'll always be passed over because of my/our age.

When I told Iain about the situation - I burst into tears.I was just so sad.  Maybe it's because I have absolutely no control in planning our family and it such a challenge to accept.  Maybe it's because I know we have a ticking clock.  It's not that I don't have faith that it could happen, it's that I'm aware of the reality that I might be called to accept the fact that it won't happen. 

Last night I got a call from a long time friend that jumped on the adoption train before we did.  They've had all sorts of ups and downs and yesterday that finally got 'the call.'  The birthmother of a five day old baby girl chose them.  I'm ecstatic for them.  Genuinely ecstatic.  They're with the same agency as we are so I'm super glad that we didn't get a placement before them.  It also gave me a tiny bit of hope.  What a vast abyss of unknown this adoption journey is.  It just leaves me wondering....`

Teetering on the Abyss (update)

My high school senior English teacher often used the phrase "teetering on the abyss."  It seems like the very best description of this point in our adoption journey.  And what a strange journey it has been.  I thought the adoption experience the second time around would be so much easier. I never imagined we'd have to find an entirely different means of adopting this time....much less a different agency who would require us to start from scratch including an THOROUGH and long home study. 

We worked tirelessly this time last year to complete the pages and pages of questions and give more autobiographical information that either of us wanted to know about ourselves - much less share.  At the beginning of this year our adoption worker left the agency which became a small hiccup.  We love the girl who took her place and I actually went to high school with her.  It was an easy transition, but something happened to us.  Part of it was that life became incredibly busy with my husband's job and I was alone a lot with a very spirited almost two year old.  We became plagued with doubt as individuals and as a couple.  I doubted that there are actually birthmother's placing right now. I doubted that a possible birth mother would even choose us. I doubted my ability to juggle Gianna and a newborn in my 40's. I doubted my ability to hear God's voice. 

For many months, we were were at a complete standstill and fell very stuck (nothing to do w/the agency - just us.)  Everything was complete - except our dern TB tests (just Iain's and mine.)  We dragged our feet.  We were barely keeping our heads above water in these challenging chapter in our lives.  We didn't even talk about it - not because we didn't care, but because we when we saw each other we were wrangling our toddler or just plumb exhausted.

I began to get really overwhelmed and it seemed I was completely by surrounded by new babies and pregnancies.  Neither of those things usually bother me in themselves -- what started to bother me was how easy it is for some people to plan their families. There's one friend that I know who has six kids.  She's hilarious and such a great mom and was sharing with me when she had five kids that she planned on getting pregnant with her sixth just as soon as they finished their kitchen cabinets.  I laughed at how that sounded.  But wouldn't you know, just as soon as they finished their doggone cabinets and she got pregnant (probably ten minutes later!)  I remember crying in private when I heard her news.  I looked up to heaven and said, "Really, God? Does it really happen like that for people?"  I never knew for sure if I'd become a parent.  And I certainly don't know if they're will be another child for us.

Doubts began turning into fear for me.  There were two fears that stood out among all the smaller ones. Interestingly they are diametrically opposed.  The first fear is that a second adoption would never happen.  The second fear is that it would. 

Now, I know that fear is not of God. I know that I was at a low point and just worn down and frustrated by current circumstances. 

It wasn't just fear ~ it was a deep sense of sadness.  I can't make my body produce a baby.  I can't make a birthmother choose adoption - and then choose us to be that baby's parents.

And if doubt, fear and sadness isn't enough, let's add guilt to the mix.  There's a guilt of having an absolutely precious child - and wanting another when I know there are thousands of people who would trade places with me in a heartbeat and would be happy being able to have just one.  I feel guilty that I'm not being grateful for just becoming a parent.

I don't want Gianna to ever think that she wasn't enough.  We are surprised about how full she makes our hearts and lives.  If she'll be our only, then by golly she'll be one lucky little girl with awesome experiences that might be easier for us to provide.

The complication lies in the fact that a large part why we'd love another child is FOR Gianna.  I'm sure the transition would be bumby, but she'd be the best big sister. And in my opinion, I believe she craves a sibling, even though she might not know what that concept means.

With all of our pregnant friends, she's beginning to understand the concept of having a baby in the tummy.  She gets so excited to name our pregnant friends in prayer. Many times she says, "And MOMMY have baby in her tummy!"  My heart breaks.  It just makes me so sad that I can't provide that for her.

When I pray with Gianna we often pray that God will send us a new baby.  It's usually followed by Gianna saying, "C'mon Mommy, let's go get her/him."  I cry.

A couple of months ago, Iain and I finally had the opportunity to talk about our journey, our feelings and what we thought God was calling us to do. We laid everything out on the table, so to speak, and decided we need to finish what we started, enter the wait and let God move.  If a situation came up and we didn't feel right about it, we could always say no.  If it so happens that Gianna is an only child and she asks us one day why she doesn't have a brother or sister, then we will at least have the peace of telling her all we did to open to the doors to that possibility.  We can say, "God's plan was different from ours."

So the update is...TB tests done. Final homestudy approved by us and signed by Social Worker, last visit by adoption worker. Done. Done. Done.  We received the official study in the mail and we're 'in the book' both in SW Louisiana and Northern Louisiana.  The Adoption worker, while in our home watching Gianna in action and looking at our pictures said to me, "Gosh, Maria. You should've really had ten kids."  What do you say to that? Except, "Well, Cathi, that's why YOU'RE here! Let's change the number from 10 to 2 -- and we'll call it fair."
 
Since Gianna was five weeks old, we have been approached about a half dozen times about potential adoption opportunities from various friends and acquaintances.  They've obviously never come to fruition for our family. Frankly, they're pretty stressful and exhausting.  At first the possibilities were exciting and full of hope.  After a while, it just has become a discouraging distraction.  I've decided to see these situations as a message from God saying, "I haven't forgotten you."  Even if we don't have another child - I know He hasn't forgotten us (even though it feels that way sometimes and I reserve the right to throw some serious pity parties.)

So just in time for another Advent - we wait. This time I'm not certain if we're waiting for another baby or a sign that Gianna is going to be an 'only.'  I do know that there is a window of time that we have that we'd be open to a baby.  Just so you know, God has been made fully aware of this window.  I'm sure if you listen hard enough, you can hear Him laughing right now.

Today is the feast day of St. Andrew.  As I did the year before Gianna found us, I am beginning a novena to him ending on Christmas Eve.  I know God is faithful and is preparing our hearts, no matter what the next chapter is for our family.

Dear Birthmother,

We recently hit a bit of a speed bump in working through our second adoption process:  the letter to the birthmother/family.

My word, you'd think the Dear Birthmother letter would be the easiest part of the adoption process. Not so....for us, anyway.

Writing to perspective birthmothers without assuming how they feel or sounding like we're trying to convince them why we're better than them or anyone else to raise their unborn baby is a difficult feat. I read books on how to write these letters and sifted through tons of examples that other families had written.  I was tempting to pick and choose ideas from these samples and weave them together in my own words.  It didn't work.  It rarely does for me.  I had to start from scratch - from my heart.  I wrote the raw rough draft and my husband helped me fine tune it to really say what we wanted. I hand wrote the letter (which turned out to be four pages long) on some stationery that I designed.  Two copies:  one for the local office and one for the office in a different part of the state.  All we can hope is that what we said in the letter, is just what our birthmother needs/wants to hear.

Then our lives got a little crazy with my husband's ridiculous overtime hours spent fixing recurring problems at work.  Our 22 month old was going through her own phases and days were feeling REALLY long.  I began to get worried that turning in this last bit of paperwork would mean that we were absolutely ready for a baby.  We had about THREE hours from the time we got "the call" about Gianna to the time we met her and took her home.  I know it doesn't always happen like that, but I also know it could.  What if we got a call in the midst of this crazy time and then I had to deal with everything going on AND a newborn.  I'm no spring chicken, and I was more than a little concerned.

Things have slowed down a bit and we've regained a bit of our composure.  It'll be about 2 weeks and we should be officially certified and ready to, well.......wait.  We'd love to have a few prayers to help us make it through this part of the journey.  We're not sure if there will be another baby at the end of this road, but we do take comfort in the fact that God knows.

Our Dear Birthmother Letter

Minor Hiccup

Just when we were getting to the home stretch of our home study....things started feeling not quite right:  Re-secheduled meetings, calls and emails not returned, etc.  Things just didn't seem to be adding up.  Then about a week ago I got a text from our adoption worker saying that she was no longer with the agency and wishing us luck in the process.  Ugh.  Not the end of the world....just a little hiccup.  We really liked her and just hate that she's moved on.

Meanwhile, because of my involvment in a local Crisis Pregnancy clinic and being busy with last minute prepartions for their annual Banquet, I decided to get through the banquet before I started knocking on doors trying to get answers and back on track. 

The agency actually beat me to the punch.  I lady called and told me that T was no longer with the agency and that she would be taking over the workoad.  She said, "Maria, do you remember me?  I'm Beth's neighbor."  Turns out, we went to school together and had a lovely conversation.  She's coming on Tuesday for another visit to finish up the homestudy.  We still have to complete the "Dear Birthmother," Letter and medical exams, but that should bring us pretty close to the finish line.

I asked if there were any birtmothers they were working with and she told me there was one and possibly another coming in.  She said the social worker who works with the birthmoms knows me too.  Turns out, she used to work for me when she was in college.  Small little world. 

Still no clue where all this will lead.  This go 'round, I'm actually looking forward to the waiting stage.  That might change six months down the road, but it's how I feel right now.

Interviews

Iain & I had our individual interviews at the agency on Monday.  It was a breeze.  Iain was in there for 20 minutes and I was in there for a little longer. (Hmm....wonder why?)  I asked TM (adoption worker) if our profiles would even get looked at by a birth mom, since they are so wordy. She assured me that our thorough answers would be a comfort to potential birth parents.  She said that it usually takes six months to a year for couples to complete what we already have in two months. She let a new coworker read our profile and the coworker said, "I already love them."  TM's response was, "Me too, I wish I was young enough for them to adopt me."  Funny. And encouraging.

We still have 3 sections to complete plus doctor visits, TB screens, and another homestudy visit in a couple of weeks. Conceivably, we should be "in the book" by the end of February which is positive.  We're on our way.

Sightings

Yesterday, I saw Maddie and Collin. 

They are the two precious children with whom we began the adoption process 2 years ago and were placed with us for six weeks.  I happened to be visiting my friend who is the mother of our godchild, Nate.  She recently moved a couple of  houses down from Maddie and Collin's birthfather.  It's also a block from the pro-life center that we adopted our baby through.  I always drive slowly when I pass their house hoping to catch a glimpse of those sweet little munchkins.  I never have.  Until yesterday.

I've sort of prayed that I wouldn't ever run in to them face to face - more for their sake than mine.  I wouldn't want to confuse them or open old wounds.

But as I was loading a gift into my van, I happened to hear children playing and looked up and saw these two precious children playing in a boat parked in their yard.  I recognized Maddie in a blink. She's six now, with that same little pageboy haircut.  I had to strain to see Collin and oh, how I wanted to get a better look.  He wasn't much older than Gianna is now when we had him.  He's four now - no more baby.  I darted back inside to see if I could sneak a closer look from a window without being seen...but it wasn't so easy.

I imagined my heart would race.

It didn't.

I imagined I would lose my breath and start shaking.

I didn't.

I imagined I'd be filled with sadness and concern. 

I wasn't. 

I never imagined that I would just feel peace and gratitude.
But, I did.
I was just so grateful I had the opportunity to lay eyes on those precious babies again.

It surprised me.

Two years ago, we agreed to parent these two children having never laid eyes on them. We hadn't even seen a picture of them.  Meeting them for the first time was so bizarre.  They were beautiful and full of life and we just couldn't imagine when it was that we would FEEL like their parents.  It wasn't immediate. But it eventually happened. It was like someone flipped a switch and we loved them with the intensity and passion that any parent would love their child. 

When we knew the legal procedings were corrupt, and that we would be fighting an uphill (and unfair) battle, we didn't how we would ever stop loving them as our children.  But as mysteriously as those feelings were turned on, they were turned off too.  Not the love....that will never turn off.  It was the reality that they were no longer ours.  God's mercy became very real to me throughout that whole emotional flux.  He gave us what we needed, when we needed it.  I believe He needed us to parent them for those six weeks...and to offer them intense, healing, unconditional love. And he used our "yes" to bring about hundreds of prayer warriors for them. 

It was horrible to have had the experience of being Mommy and Daddy and then being stripped of that title and role in one day.  It was certainly one of the most intense grief experiences of our lives.  We will probably never fully understand that whole chapter in our lives and God's purpose in all that.  We feel we answered God's call, and that just has to be good enough for now.

So, for now, I'm grateful for my sighting. I'm grateful for having known Maddie and Collin.
I'm especially grateful for my role as Mommy to our sweet Gianna.

Section Four - SCORE!!!

Actually, this was the easiest one yet.  It just happened to take a week because Iain's been having nightly migraines. No fun.....for any of us.

I think individual interviews are next. Then more paperwork. Can you sense my enthusiasm?

I sort of feel like I'm in gym class elementary school ready to play dodgeball.  The captains are chosen and it's time for them to choose teams. Ugh. "Oh gosh, who's gonna pick me?  Will ANYONE pick me?"  And if I do get picked, then I have to wait to endure a good clipping from a fast bullet of a ball.  Sounds pretty gloomy. Hmm...maybe I'm under the influence of the weather.

Never been a homework fan...

Not really. Not now, anyway.

We turned in Section III on Friday and received Section IV last night.  It's a lot, but not horrible.  We feel blessed that we are in a position to enter the world of adoption once again....no matter how much of a roller coaster ride it may be.  (Many people don't have the adoption option open to them, and I'm fully aware of that.)

Having said that, we've already done a home study before which included an application and autobiography that totalled 50 typed pages (single spaced) followed by hours and hours of interviews.  I was happy to work through that last time. 

The degree of difficulty this time is that we have to write for a different "audience."  Last time it was for the social worker.  This time it's for the birth mother/family.  So even the material that might be able to be re-used, still has to be re-worked, and edited. And the even bigger degree of difficulty is a 26 pound bundle of energy that would prefer to not see her mother in front of the computer. I can't say that I blame her.

Oh, and in the email our adoption worker sent, she reminded us that interviews were next after we turned in Section IV.  We did know that. What we didn't know was that after interviews, there are THREE more sections to complete. Ugh.  But the supposed good news is that we didn't have to complete those sections individually....it would be completedboth of us together.  Any idea who might be spear-heading that little endeavor? Yep. Oh well. One step closer to the GREAT WAIT.

Section 3 - Holy Moly!

After this round of paperwork, we sort of feel like we've actually birthed a baby.  We chipped away at this chunk of questions and it seemed to hang over our heads like a big, dark cloud.   It took us longer than usually maybe because it was sandwhiched between Christmas/New Years and the three of us getting the crud - oh, and a father/daughter tooth-breaking week.  (Both of them broke a tooth within days of each other.)

On Sunday at church we saw a sweet little family who has four precious little boys with their brand new baby girl.  As we were visiting with them, another girl came up with her four kids - announcing her new pregnancy with #5.  And then, as luck would have it, another girl came up to join the baby conversation letting us know she was pregnant with #6.  An older lady overheard our conversation and said, "Wow, what's in the water in our town! EVERYONE is pregnant....you better get ready," she said in my direction.  (Insert rolled eyes here.)  Maybe we should take the filter off our water system. Ha!

I was truly happy for each of these women/families. Truly.  But I have to say that a part of me was so discouraged to have to go home and sit for hours of paperwork, followed by hours of interviews not for a baby, but for a MAYBE BABY.  All this work for a big fat posibility.    I didn't feel this way the first go-round.  I knew there would be one baby.  I'm a couple of years older, this time and I'm just not sure if we'll be chosen.  That would certainly not be the end of the world.  We are so blessed to be parents.  It just puzzles me how some people have such ease in planning their families and others of us have to struggle so.

May Section 4 be easier to complete than this past section.

Section Two: THROUGH!

After I was pouring through the information we were to write for potential birthparents in Section Two, and remember how flippin'much we wrote for Section One, I thought I'd email our adoption worker to find out if we're being to wordy. (And by we, I mean ME.)

"Well," she replied, "you certainly are thorough.  I don't think you'll leave anyone wondering about anything after they're done reading it."  Gotta love her diplomacy.  Okay, I get the drift.  I'm verbose, wordy, loquacious - I know. I've been plagued with those "gifts" since I was a child.  It's just who I am.  And if you've ever read any post from my personal blog, you would never argue that point.

However, I really don't want birthparents to avoid our profile because it's too much to read.  So,, my answers to Section Two were much more succint.  We'll see what our diplomatic little social worker has to say about that. 

I'm sure Section 3 is making it's way to my Inbox any moment. Ugh.  I guess I'll just count that as another "contraction."  :)

Section One: DONE!

Doing Home Study paperwork with the goal of completing it before Christmas is not exactly my idea of fun, but I suppose it'll be worth it to have it behind us. We're done with the applications which was a big chunck of work and now section one of the person information is complete. Iain and I have to do this part serparately.

I had all my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving this year (which NEVER happens)because I really wanted to enjoy Advent and Christmas and Gianna. Little did I know I was just making room to do paperwork. Oh well. We're on our way...

Here we go again...

Some of you might remember a few months ago when I posted a lovely story called: Different Trips to the Same Place. It talked about the fact that deciding to have a baby was like planning a trip to Australia where most people planned, flew and returned with little incidence.  And then there were those who were unable to fly - for whatever reason - and they had to take a boat ride to Australia which took much longer and was often more arduous and misunderstood. (I'm paraphrasing, but you can read that post here.)

ANYWAY.... with the ink on Gianna's birth certificate scarcely dry, Iain and I are boarding the proverbial boat to Australia and we are going to try this whole adoption journey again.
This time we begin with a whole new agency.

"Are we crazy?" you ask.

 Why yes, as a matter of fact we are!  Some days I wonder if I've lost my mind - thinking that I can do another little baby at my age in ADDITION to our busy little Tornado.  If I were ten years younger, and if Gianna were ten decibels quieter and if she were ten times less sensitive to the slightest noise when she sleeps, and if I were able to miraculously locate this little Energizer Bunny's off switch - I wouldn't give it a second thought.  I always imagined myself having a small brood of kids - maybe five...or at least three - but as my good God reminds me over and over and over again - I am NOT in control, and HIS plan is always better than mine.

Having another child is our heart's desire and Gianna is another reason we'd love to expand our family.  She is so social and loving, and we'd love to gift her with a sibling. But if it's God will for her to be our only child - we are thrilled with that. We know we hit the jackpot with her.  That's actually some of the reason we're actively moving forward at this point:  if down the road Gianna asks why we didn't have any more kids, we can tell her that we tried, but God had other plans for our little family. We're also getting the wheels in gear because I don't feel I have too much time left to be open to starting with another newborn. I NEVER imagined starting my family in my 40's (yes, go ahead and gasp) but I supposed that was God's plan all along. 

Gianna's adoption was a private one facilitated through a local crisis pregnancy/pro-life center.  Our attorney worked with all parties involved.  Even though our attorney still does adoptions, the Center no longer does.  Because of that specific closed door - we felt like we needed to explore another option in the event there are no prospective birth parents matching with us through our attorney.  So, we did some research and connected with an agency here in town and have been working with them for about six weeks.

I've written about the things we had to go through to become "adoption ready" a couple of years ago.  If that whole process wasn't difficult and extensive and exposing enough - with this new agency....we have to start from SCRATCH! Ugh.  All that vulnerability with a whole new set of people.  A whole new home study.  All new interviews. All new references.  All new clearances through the federal, state and local law enforcements. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh and UGH.  And then there's the good ol' non-refundable deposits....baby or not.

Truthfully, it hasn't been all that bad. I just keep reminding myself that this is part of my "labor."  Our adoption worker is precious and a professional and a real go-getter. Working with her has been a pleasure.  And the other great thing is that we don't have to pay the BIG chunk until a baby is legally placed with us.....so even if a birth mother changes her mind at any time until legal placement - we wouldn't lose all of our money (which sadly is not too uncommon with domestic adoptions.)  That was a big draw for us. The financial investment is big and occasionally overwhelming - but we have to keep reminding ourselves that we really don't blink when we have to invest large sums for our homes and cars (well - we blink - but we expect that stress to our bank account).  Children are FAR more valuable than those other things. Now don't get me wrong - adoptive couples don't BUY babies (that's illegal) but they do pay for services related to the baby, the mother and legal and administrative costs.  I wrote more about that HERE and HERE.

We have always known that, because of our late start in the game, we'd have to be open to another baby sooner that maybe we'd be comfortable with.  In fact, we've received six calls from six different people with possible leads to another baby....the first coming when Gianna was only 5 weeks old.  None of the calls made it very much further than that....which was really okay with us.  We knew we were waiting for OUR next baby, not THE next baby.  And for me, all those calls were very clear messages from God telling us to have faith and that He was looking out for us.

We've already been through so many ups and downs regarding adoption.  Making ourselves so vulnerable to all that potential drama is a little daunting. And on those days when Gianna's in overdrive and wears us down the core - we look at each other and say, "Another baby? What are we thinking?" And when look at my friends children in middle school, high school and college - I wonder what I think I'm doing?  And heaven help me on those days when I actually do the math and figure out how old I'll be when my kids hit certain milestones -- if I'm even here to enjoy them.  (Mortality becomes very real at my age.)  Even though I refuse to let fear dictate my actions - there are very real concerns attached to being a more "seasoned" mother.  (Sometimes I make myself feel better when I see Julia Roberts, Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman - all my age! - jumping on the baby train.  And the air is let out of my balloon when I think about their housekeepers and nannies who made their lives a little easier.)

I'm not exactly sure where all this will lead and I'm not exactly sure if this journey will end with adding another baby to our family, but Iain and I feet called to be pro-active at this time and open whatever doors we can - making room for God to move.  We certainly have our hands full with Little Bit, but we are willing to muster up the courage, energy and fortitude it will take to grow our family.

So, we finish our home study and we wait.  Advent is the perfect time to begin this special wait.

We are asking for prayer for all the women who are experiencing crisis pregnancies - that they may make wise and loving choices for the children they carry.  We also remember all the other waiting couples and families anticipating pregnancy or adoption - especially those who have yet to become parents. And we ask for prayer and support throughout this upcoming "boat ride" and that we are able to open our hearts to God's will.

So, here we go - ready to take the plunge again.

Birth Certificate

Yup. Now we're REALLY offically. We recently received Gianna's Birth Certificate from the State.

(You didn't think I was going to scan the real one, did you?)

 It may seem small to most folks, but it's a pretty big deal to us.  It names Iain and I as parents (obviously) and OUR given name for her.  There's no  mention of adoption on the document, so if anyone were to happen to see it, they would assume she was ours by birth.  It's not too for from the truth:  she's definitely ours...

 ...but just by the grace of God. :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

And.....stay tuned for more news to come!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered....I'm YOURS!

Well, we completed the year-long wait that our State requires once a child is officially placed in your home. And on Monday, September 14th at 9:16 am, our sweet little munchkin was officially named Gianna Elyse Lewis and her adoption was finalized. So now the State has declared what we have know from the very beginning....Gianna Elyse is our daughter - forever and ever. AMEN!

Iain & I were a surprised by how little we were affected by the approach of the big day. I guess, for us, it just really doesn't change anything. I'm sure our past court memories of failed adoptions and unjust outcome may have clouded it a tiny bit - and appearing before the very judge that presided over the other case was certainly not our ideal situation. But we weren't nervous....we just stood before him with our heads held high.

There was actually one point when the judge asked me if there was anything else I wanted the court to know. Oh how I fantasized of what I would say if given the opportunity!! It would have been an awesome, dramatic scene out Law & Order PMU (Pissy Mothers Unit). You can imagine I had a script ready for that answer...and Lord knows I was tempted to give him an earful. But instead, I kept my mouth shut and smiled. (Miracle, I know.) I figured being held in contempt of court would not be a good adoption present for my daughter. :)

We're glad to have everything finalized. We're glad to finally have paperwork to coincide with our reality. We're anxiously anticipating the new birth certificate that will be issued by the State with OUR names as mother and father. But overall -- it just was a day. A really good day. A reminder of our miracle and blessings day. I guess that IS pretty special.

One of my good long-time friends (who is also be a priest) was with us at the courthouse and shared with us that very day was the Feast of the Triumph of the Cross. What a perfect day to celebrate this momentous occasion. We've had embraced many crosses over the last five years of our marriage - including our adoption journey. What a beautiful reminder from our Savior that even though it doesn't feel like it in the midst of it all - there is always triumph in the Cross.

We were so pleased to have beautiful weather, family and some special friends, a super short waiting period before we were called....and a positive court experience.

The Weight of Words

Isn’t amazing the weight that some words carry? I remember participating in a leadership training workshop years ago where the presenter spoke about how words aren’t just words. The carry thoughts, judgments, ideas, prejudices, etc. far deeper than the words themselves. For example, an older single man is referred to as a bachelor whereas an older single woman is referred to as a spinster or an old maid. That’s an obvious example of the archaic ideas and judgments that lie underneath those words. Or “Oh, you’re just a housewife or stay-at-home mom.” The word “just” is a seemingly harmless word, but it can be hurtful and offensive if used in that context because of the idea that it represents. There’s a million examples of such unfortunate uses or misuses of words and phrases. I constantly find myself having to tweak some of my language to represent a healthier, more inclusive, or less judgmental state of mind.

On Tuesday, the State came to do our final home study before the finalization of Gianna’s adoption on the 14th. It was painless and just a formality. Visiting with the Case Worker (also an adoptive parent) I was reminded about how much negative language was present in the world of adoption. Most of it is just “old” phrasing that just hasn’t been updated. But as an adoptive mother, I do see the difference it can make. I’m still learning and training myself to use better, more accurate language, but here are a few things I have learned. I wanted to share a few phrasings that I hear fairly often….and the weight of the words they carry.

“Do you know or know anything about her real mother?”
Well, I am her “real” mother. What most people are referring to is her birthmother, biological mother or natural mother. When I mention that, people often say, “Oh, you know what I mean.” And I do. But eventually my child is going to wonder why people don’t think I’m her real mother. We will always acknowledge G’s birthmother role in our lives whether or not we ever meet her. I’m happy to share the title of mother with the woman who gave Gianna life.

“Why did her birthmother give her up.”
Instead of “giving her up,” we describe it as being “placed for adoption” or “she chose an adoption plan for her child.” Some babies are abandoned. It’s a sad reality. But my child was not abandoned (as is the case for many children in adoptive families). Her mother loved her so much that she wanted a life for her that she was unable to provide. I want G to always know that. I’m sure she’ll question all of the why’s and wherefores in years to come – but I don’t ever want her to question whether or not she was loved. As with many/most birthmothers/birth families, it was a very difficult decision. I guess the best way to think of it is that the CHILD isn’t given up or given away – but the right to parent is.

Along those same lines.
"Why didn’t she want to “keep” the baby?"
Instead of “keep” the more appropriate term would be “choose to parent.”

“Did her birth mother do drugs?”
We have a closed adoption due to the request of the birthmother. We know only a little bit about the birth mother/family. Whatever we know about the birthmother is confidential. We’ll share what we know with Gianna when she’s old enough and interested. I am SO bad about feeling obligated to answer questions that people ask me. I’m trying to give myself permission to not answer certain questions. Adoptive Families Magazine suggests that we do a disservice to our children by answering many of these questions in public and in front of the kids. It’s HER history and HER story and we really don’t have the right to share it all with complete strangers (or friends/family for that matter.) That will be her prerogative as she gets older. I just have to get over myself when I’m feeling rude in telling that to people who ask.

“Was she illegitimate?”
Well, actually she’s very legitimate. If you mean, was she born to parents who were not married to each other? Yes. Illegitimate is a terrible label for any child – adopted or not.

“I don’t know if I could ever love a child that wasn’t my own.”
Well, she is actually is my own, so it’s not an issue from that standpoint. (And if you're a believer, then NONE of our children are really our own.) But I know that what they’re really saying is “How could I love a child that wasn’t born to me or that doesn’t have my DNA?” I guess it’s sort of like the common concern when people are expecting their 2nd child…. “How can I ever love another child as much as I love my first?” You just do. It comes with the child and with the openness of your heart. You can’t always imagine it – but it happens….usually instantly and without explanation.

“Are you going to tell her that she’s adopted?”
She will always know. There’s not going to be a magic age when we sit down with her and have “the talk.” We continue to pray for her birthmother and birth family daily and she’ll be joining in those prayers as she grows up. We’re so proud of our adoption journey and we thank God that He chose to grow our family in that way.

Bear with me on this next statement: We won’t tell her that she IS adopted. We will tell her that she WAS adopted. I know. That may seem too subtle to make any difference. But it does. Let me explain:
Adoption is the way Gianna joined our family. It’s not who she is. We never think of her as our adopted daughter. She’s our daughter. We are an adoptive family. It’s part of our history – not a label. If we keep referring to Gianna as our “adopted child” we basically saying she’s different that if she was born to us naturally. She’s not. She’s just our child. For us, “adopted” is a verb, not a noun.

FORGETTING:
** I have the best memory of being at my dear friend’s house – peaking into the nursery watching her first baby sweetly sleep. She whispered to me, “I can believe how something that big came out of me.” Not an uncommon statement uttered by new moms….except the fact that she and her husband had adopted this sweet angel baby. I was so surprised by that comment and responded, “Well, Leesa, he didn’t come out of you.” We both just cracked up. She was really serious. I found that so funny that she really could forget she didn’t give birth to him – that is, UNTIL Gianna came along. Now, I totally get it. I constantly catch myself saying, “when she was born” or “when I had her.” I feel like I gave birth to her. Heaven knows I went through labor! J

And I LOVE the fact that other people are now forgetting we adopted her. One of my friends said, “It’s so amazing how blue her eyes are and how dark you and Iain’s are.” I was a little confused until I realized that she completely forgot that she was not our biological child. She was embarrassed. I was elated.

There’s a story of a mother who had five children, three children were born to them and two were adopted. When people would say to her, “Now which ones are the adopted ones?” She just looked down at all her five kids, “You know, I just can’t seem to remember.” It’s so easy to be offended by insensitive or ignorant remarks, but I hope that I will always be kind in my responses – even if I feel the need to educate.

“Where did you get her?”
I am SO tempted to being really sarcastic in answering a lot of these questions. I would just love to tell people we “got” her at Babies R US or that she was the prize with our Happy Meal at McDonalds. I know people are curious if we chose Domestic or International adoption and why. (Domestic adoptions take place within the US and International adoptions outside of the US.) People just want to know if we went through an agency or a private attorney or the State.

This next one has to be one of my favorite:
“How did you get a white one?”
A white one? Like she was a puppy in a litter! We didn't put in an order. We were open to adopting a baby - and that's what we got. The funny thing is, we really expected to adopt bi-racial or multi-racial children. And if given the chance to do so, we’d take it in a heartbeat. It just so happened that Gianna’s birthparents were Caucasian. I just tell people, “We didn’t choose her. God chose us.” I’m sure if I were parenting a bi-racial or black child (gasp) this post would be a lot longer. (Because of people’s preconceived ideas and their inability to censor their thoughts before they speak. :)

“How much did she cost?”
Ya gotta love people, huh? Contrary to popular belief, we didn’t buy our child. Just like any services rendered by agencies, attorneys, doctors, hospitals etc. there are fees associated with them. If you give birth to your baby, from the time you find out you’re expecting, there are expenses associated with each aspect of carrying and delivering your baby – even if there aren’t complications, fertility issues, illnesses, etc. Same is true for adoption. Most people just want to know how it all works, what the expenses are, etc. When I tell people that it can range from very little (adoptions through the State) or very expensive (in excess of $50,000.00) Most are somewhere in between. SOME people will say, “Well, what did YOU pay?” Just like in any other situation, it’s not good etiquette to ask about people’s personal finances. Every adoptive situation will vary, so knowing what we “paid” will not necessarily help you.

So, you get the idea. I’m sure in the near future I’ll think of several more words or phrases that carry such weight. If you've unknowingly used some of this negative terminology, don't worry. I have too. I’m still learning myself. I continue to catch myself using outdated language. I don’t beat myself up – I just correct myself and move on. Poet Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” Here’s to doing better for our children.

Upcoming Adoption Finalization

A year ago today we went to court and were granted "placement" of our sweet baby girl. That hearing basically made us legal guardians of Gianna with the intent to adopt her. In the state of Louisiana, this the first step toward adoption.
(Gianna on her Placement Day)

Then, there's a YEAR LONG waiting period. Most people get nervous when I tell them this, with their first question being, "Is there a chance you could lose her?" (That's an understandable thought - especially after we survived a previous horrible court experience losing the two children that we parented for six weeks.)

The answer is no. They state really is making sure WE are wanting to do this and are committed to this child forever and ever. Amen. Basically, it's just a formality and the year is a customary waiting period for all adoptive families in our state. We are not on trial nor do we have to jump through hoops to try and "keep" her. All the hoop jumping is done prior to children coming into the home. (I take that back, we have to endure another home study - this time by OCS.)

If you aren't aware of all the prep-work involved in becoming "approved" and acquiring a home study...let me just say that it's quite an undertaking. The paperwork and home study part of the process is grueling, intense, somewhat lengthy, exposing all vulnerability.

You are subject to intense examination of your home, your marriage, your medical history, relationship histories, family histories, financial situation, , educational background, mental/emotional state, reason for choosing adoption, infertility journey (if applicable), parenting philosophies, strengths and weaknesses about ourselves and our spouse, opinions about various kinds of adoptions and what type of children we are open to parenting, and things you never thought you'd share with anyone other than your spouse.

You must have references, reference checks, background checks, fingerprints sent to local, state and federal government, medical exams, pages and pages of paper work, hours and hours of inquisition (home study visits). We had to write our autobiography (ours was 50 pages typed - single space - I'm sure everyone isn't as wordy as me.) We were questioned on all this information as a couple and separately by a social worker (than heavens ours was a dream - and now a friend.) And then we have to wait for a report on our "readiness" which is shared with the attorney or adoption agency and the judge hearing the case. Yep, even more people to be "all up in your business."

(Our attorney who would move heaven and earth for this baby girl - and any other child.)

People (usually close friends and family) often are angered that we had to endure such scrutiny. Personally, I think it made us better people and better parents. As someone who has advocated for children most of her life, I really do understand why the process is in place. I was never angry about having to go through all of that scrutiny. However, I was/am frustrated with the fact that everyone else becoming parents doesn't. (Primarily those people making reckless choices in their lives.) Can you imagine what a difference that would make in this world if everyone had this preparation before becoming parents? If you can give birth naturally, it almost seems as if the government doesn't care how you parent or if you parent well. Blah blah blah....okay, I'm getting off that soap box.

Several people, in an effort to give me support/comfort, have told me, "You are so lucky you didn't have to go through labor." I know they meant well, but there is a lot that they may not have considered.

Often, the road to DECIDE to adopt is filled with difficulty, pain and uncertainty. If infertility was an issue - that is a consuming experience that is full of pain, questions, frustrations, etc. If miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth, infant death, failed adoption(s) etc. were issues - the pain attached to those experiences is enormous.

Once the decision is made to adopt, then the labor really begins. And I can't even begin to describe what the "waiting" is like. And, of course, with domestic adoption (and many international adoptions) there's that ever-present fear that you'll deal with a birthmother who changes her mind either before, at birth or after the child's in your home. So, my response to those people deeming me "lucky" for clepping out of labor is, "Trust me, I've been through labor and it lasted for months, if not years." (I really wanted to answer that question a little more boldly, but I truly never want to compare my pain with others'.)

Another thing to remember is that many woman who have tried to achieve pregnancy and couldn't, would give anything to complain about the swollen ankles, achy backs, tiny kicks in their ribs and even to share grueling labor stories. Geez, Maria - how many soap boxes will you get on during this post?

In just a few weeks. (September 14, 2009) we will be heading back to family court for the Finalization of Gianna's Adoption. Here name will legally be the one we gave her...."Gianna Elyse." (Now, it is the one her birthmother gave her.) A new birth certificate will be issued with our names as her parents. (Can you believe we don't have a birth certificate?) That will allow us to apply for a social security card. Who would have ever thought that a birth certificate and social security card would mean so much?

The only real disappointment attached to this exciting upcoming court experience is that we have to go before the judge who presided over the unjust adoption nightmare earlier last year. It was very messy and, without going into details, very much of a legal outrage. We couldn't get a different judge due to some complications. So, for whatever prayers you can offer our way, we'd be most grateful. I'm just going to have to put on my "big girl panties" and hold my head high and make the day a memorable one for my daughter and family (without being held in contempt of court.) :)

(The judge who presided over our placement hearing last year. I actually went to high school with her.)

Looking forward to September 14th.

Different Trips to the Same Place

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia.

It seems there is no seat for you: You'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait - and wait - and wait. Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax, you'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.""By boat?!" you say, "going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It's a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than air. People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible: traveling by sea is so easy."You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia.

Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you got there, but in the place itself.

By: Diane Armitage (inspired by the story: “Welcome to Holland”)

Final Adoption Update (until.....)

Dear Friends and Family,

It was a year ago today I sent out an email to many of you announcing that our many months of adoption paperwork, home study, background checks, etc. were complete and that I had just returned from turning in our adoption profile to New Life Counseling. The quote from the email was, "We consider ourselves officially 'expecting.'" Nine months later to the day.......Gianna Elyse was born.........and as of today, she is three months old. Unbelievable! What an amazing ride.

It's been over six weeks since I've written an update. Our last email touted that we had been to court and were granted official placement. Since then we've had a visit from the Abuelito & Abuelita (Grandpa & Grandma Lewis) two hurricanes, two evacuations, a baptism, a baby shower and a 17 day hospital stay for Grandpa Frank, and a lot of long hours of extra work for Iain at PPG. It's been CRAZY! (I must say, evacuating alone with a 2 month old baby did not make it to my 'Top Ten Fun Things to Do List.' It was easier than having a toddler or more than one child, though.)

Gianna is an absolute delight. She's gained five pounds since birth ---- and unfortunately, we have too! It looks like someone stuffed meatballs in her cheeks. So cute. Obviously, she's a good eater - and as of our return home from the last evacuation mayhem, she's been sleeping all night long - Hallelujah! and knock on wood! (Well, we THINK she's sleeping all night long - if she's waking up - we don't know about it - we've been some tired little puppies.)

Gianna is super-alert, strong, giggly and ranges from content and quiet to loud and squealing with delight - and sometimes with frustration. She babbles all day long (yeah, yeah, go ahead and say it - just like her Mommy.) Life is good in Lewisland....even wearing her spit-up, pee, and poop is good - it's OUR baby's spit-up, pee, and poop. Waiting so long for her has made us truly grateful - for ALL of that parenthood brings. God is good.

Many people ask for updates on Maddie & Collin. We don't know much - but enough to know we need to keep praying for them and those charged with their care. I actually ran into the Grandmother not long ago and she confirmed that they were no longer living with them (grandparents) - but with the birth father and his girlfriend (they got the birth mother out of the picture as soon as court was over.) It's certainly not the most ideal situation. The grandmother said she knows that the dad will never be "father of the year" but he loves his kids. (Insert rolling eyes.) She also said that they couldn't believe how much progress the kids made when they were with us. She said they just always thought the kids would just be slow. I can't even bear to comment on that statement. Please continue to join us in prayer for them.

Another thing people ask, is if we plan on adopting again. We would LOVE to (not right this minute NLC & Sid) adopt and for Gianna to have a brother/sister.....but we have given up trying to figure out what God's plans are for building our family. Today.....we are content and filled with joy. I'm sure whatever plans God has for us tomorrow will be as colorful and blessed as our road has already been.

This will be our last Adoption Update for Gianna. In a year from now, we'll go to court again to finalize the adoption.....we'll let you know when that happens. We will continue to keep current pictures on our website. Here's the link: www.fotki.com/lewisfamily.
Save it on your favorites so you can check it occasionally, if you want to see new pics.

There is a journal portion of the web page (a blog - for those who know what that as) and until now, I've just posted our adoption email updates there. From here on out my goal is to keep an occasional e-journal for those who care. ( I just don't want to fill people's inboxes with stuff they're not interested in.) Here's the link to that page:
http://journals.fotki.com/lewisfamily/

So, from here on out, you'll know if you see "adoption update" in the subject line of our emails - something's brewing! Let's hope we have some time to catch our breath. We look forward to a very vanilla life these next few months. Getting back to normal is the most exciting thing for us right now.

Thanks again for taking this journey with us. We hold you dear to our hearts and you remain in our prayers. We feel blessed that you have been such a part of dreams coming true