Dear Friends and Family,
Well, last week I had every intention of sending out an email to update everyone on how we were doing in the aftermath of our failed adoption of Maddie & Collin. I was going to tell you about our journey toward healing. I was going to tell you about the amazing vacation to a resort in Cancun that Iain and I took which served as our "adoption band-aid." I was going to tell you that we were in discernment as to what our next step would be in this crazy adoption process in order to further our quest to grow our family. Well, that's what I WAS going to tell you.
Apparently - God (once again) seemed to have another plan.
What I AM going to tell you will probably come as a complete surprise to you. (We're STILL in shock and no, I'm NOT pregnant.) Iain & I have become the parents of a brand-spankin' new baby who turned one week old today.
You read it right. Iain & Maria are the parents of a brand-new baby!
Better news: It's official!!! Both birth father and birth mother have signed their surrender of parental rights.
Even better news: IT'S A GIRL!
Best news: She is in our home, in Iain's arms, as I write this.
Amazing news: We got to pick her up from the hospital when she was 2 days old! She has been with us since Thursday night (July 3rd).
We know that you will understand why we've waited to share this miraculous event until it it was official. Even though we've been busting at the seams for almost five days just dying to share our news.....it was really important to us to refrain from taking everyone on yet another crazy roller coaster ride - especially if things didn't go according to plan. (Been there, done that.....don't care to go down that road again!)
How This Came About:
At 6pm on Thursday night we got a call from Marcia at New Life Counseling. She started out by saying, "Well, are you ready? I'm at the hospital with a new baby who needs a home."
She went on to tell us the birth mother's situation She is a single mom who knew that she would be unable to raise another baby. (I don't want to give too many details since it is a closed and local adoption). Her family was supportive of her decision to place the baby for adoption and so was the birth father's family. The birth father had signed over his rights that night but the birth mother had to wait five days after the birth to sign her surrender. By law she would be required to have 2 hours of counseling.
So the tricky decision that night was......do we pick up the baby now hold our breath for a few days....or do we let someone else care for the baby until the mother is completely signed. When I asked Iain what he wanted to do, he replied, "Let's go pick up our daughter." And so we did.
We got to the hospital at 9pm, signed the power of attorney, went to the nursery and laid eyes on our daughter for the very first time. It was magical. She's teeny tiny (5lbs 3oz) with light brown hair (with a little blond and a touch of red thrown in for good measure.) She even has the most intoxicating dimples! By 10:00 pm we were leaving the hospital and (you're gonna love this) I got to be wheeled out in a wheelchair with my baby just like all the other card-carrying moms!
We have been hibernating at home with this precious little creature for the last few days waiting for the official news....and tonight at 7:20pm we got it. We are officially the parents of Gianna Elyse Lewis. (Pronounced Jee-ah-nah)
The Name:
We have chosen our boy and girl names early on in the adoption process. We liked our boy name (still not tellin') but I really felt like God chose our girl name. I came across the name Gianna several times in a short period of time, one being in an article about a family in Kansas who was pregnant with a baby girl who didn't develop a kidney and only life a short time after birth. They named her Gianna. It was a touching and inspiring story of an amazing and faithful family. I was curious if Gianna was a saint name so I did a little research and found an amazing story about St. Gianna Beretta Molla.
The short version of the story is that Gianna a young Italian woman, wife, mother and physician who, while pregnant with her fourth child, discovered she had a uterine tumor. The endured the pregnancy and refused to abort the child to save her own life. The baby was born healthy and a week later Gianna died. The Church lifts her up as a model of selflessness, heroic virtue and is a patron of Pro-Life. The name means, God is Gracious. We knew then that would be our baby girl's name........and it fits her beautifully.
Coincidence? I think not...
Last fall when we finished our adoption home study and paperwork, I brought our completed adoption profile to Margie at New Life Counseling. I remember it was October 1st (Feast of St. Therese), I went to Mass and when I returned home I wrote an email to friends and family letting you know that we were finally were finished with our part of the process and all we had left to do was wait. The email quote was, "We consider ourselves officially expecting!"
Well, wouldn't you know that 9 months to the day after I sent that email.....Gianna Elyse was born......July 1, 2008. That was my sign that she was meant for us.
What happens next?
In the next week, we'll go to court and we'll petition for "placement." It's not a scary court thing....just a formality stating we intend to adopt this baby. For all practical purposes she is ours......but in the State of Louisiana adoption take a year to finalize. There is virtually no way she can be taken from us at this point. We are a family.
Prayer of Thanks
We are filled with gratitude and love as we are living an answer to prayer. We are completely overwhelmed by God's goodness and are amazed at by the graces being showered on us. I keep thinking of that Rascal Flatts song with the line, "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." Broken road...you bet. Blessed road......amen!
We ask that you join us in prayer for the birth mother (and birth family) as they grief their loss and hopefully find the healing and comfort they deserve. We also ask for your continue prayers of Maddie & Collin. Although they are no longer part of our family, they will always be part of our heart. We continue to miss them, think of them and love them.
And thank you all for joining us in this incredible journey. Your prayers, concern and support of us has helped to bring us to this blessed, joyous day. Keep praying and this story is not over. There's so much I wanted to share, but my thoughts are a little muddled right now.
Okay, I'm going to love on my little baby girl now. I know that you guys have been waiting for the unveiling......here is the link to Gianna's first few pictures. http://public.fotki.com/lewisfamily/
(You know there are hundreds of them already, but I only posted about 30.)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Rest of the Story...
Dear Friends and Family,
Yesterday was our day of closure with Maddie and Collin.
We woke up that morning in our very quiet house feeling like we were getting ready to go to a funeral, not believing the turn of events that led us here.
LEGAL MESS
An hour before our appointment with the psychologist, our attorney had called giving us even more information about birth family and their shenanigans; even more damaging evidence against the birth father; and even more testimony of how people were supporting us and even wanting to raise money to help us continue the fight and expose the injustices and get a lot of this information on public record, etc.
We looked at each other and just shook our heads. We knew that no amount of money, fight, or exposure would ever change the situation without causing more damage to the children. The children, and their needs, have always been our focus.
If I outlined everything we know about this case for you, no one would ever believe me. It was very clear in the meeting with the birth father's parents that the we had already been set up for failure and the odds were stacked against us in a very unfair & unjust manner (and trust me when I tell you that is not the original way I worded that sentence.)
You'll be happy to know that although this influential figure that I've spoken of (who I don't mind saying now....is also a judge) and his wife got an earful of "truth" from my mouth when I realized their was no way they were going to let this go. I told them that I thought their kids (the birth parents) were incompetent, irresponsible, immature and not in the best interest of these kids. I also told them that I knew that Iain and I were the best parents for these children regardless of what studies say that "it has been proven that is ALWAYS better for the kids if the biological parents raise them." Yeah, that was the judge's quote. Scary, huh?
Had we chosen to pursue this adoption with a possible 10% chance of winning, our lives would have been filled with fear for ourselves and the children and we would never have been able to provide the secure environment that these kids deserve. Please know that we DID fight for these kids. We made this decision to withdraw from the legal proceedings FOR them. We did NOT give up on them and we did not act out of fear. Our decision was made out of love.
BACK TO OUR DAY
As we traveled to see the psychologist (which was actually should have been Maddie's appointment for evaluation) we discovered that anger feels a heck of a lot better than the intense grief that we had been immersed in. Whatever energy grief sucked out of us.........anger was pouring back in.
I probably don't have to mention that the psychologist was no less than stunned at the turn of events in this situation. For someone who works rather closely with the legal system, it was apparent to her that there were major inconsistencies and highly unusual (and dare I say, unethical behavior [my word choice - not hers]) in this case.
She gave us sound advice on how to bring closure to our relationship with Maddie & Collin and what our final conversation with them should include. What brought us the greatest peace was that she validated our decision and told us that in this case, the more courageous thing was to legally withdraw instead of pursuing an ugly, long and fruitless legal battle...especially since it was in the best interest of the children. For us, that was the icing on the cake.
THE CHERRY ON TOP
We left the psychologist's office to pick up Maddie and Collin. We could never have prepared ourselves for what that visit would be like.
Those who have seen the children with us know the strong attachment and love they have for us. When we got to the grandparents house, Maddie would hardly look at us. She clung to the grandmother like we were dangerous strangers. Collin did come running to us. But he, too, was different. Maddie didn't even want to come home with us at first. She softened after a few minutes and we loaded them up and headed to our house.
They would squeak out forced smiled occasionally but their eyes were cast downward. Iain and I were in disbelief that in 36 hours, these kids were changed. I just shook my head and looked at Iain saying, "Oh my God, they are not our kids anymore." They were not the same kids, with the same sparkle in their eyes.
We had asked the grandparents the other night that they refrain from correcting the kids when they referred to us as "Mommy and Daddy" at least until we could tell them goodbye and explain why they would no longer see us. We have no doubt that was not honored, and can only imagine what they were told. They seemed dazed and confused.
We are pretty certain too that their coping mechanisms kicked in and their apparent detachment was survival for them. I'm sure being in their old environment surfaced their old behaviors. Their sweet little spirits and impeccable manners were all but gone. They fought with each other (rare in our home), Collin was kicking and throwing things (even more rare) and bubbly constant conversation had turned into occasional comments. We were shocked.
We thought that the first day we met Collin & Maddie was the most bizarre day of our lives. These precious kids we had never seen before were calling us "Mommy and Daddy" and it felt so strange. This last day was equally as bizarre if not even more. We had so much difficulty wrapping our brains around it all - we could only imagine what their little minds were thinking.
Our Last Supper
One of our favorite parts of our everyday life with these kids has always been meal time. They always swung out their hands, said their blessings and, on their own, concluded with, "Thank you, Jesus, por our pood." (They couldn’t say the “f” sound.) They were always so cute and funny at meal time.
For the past six weeks, almost all of their meals were homemade and we filled them with fruits and vegetable and the healthiest of foods....hardly any refined sugar. No soda or juice. Their health improved drastically.
Our last meal was a greasy little pizza from Pizza Hunt, all the soda and straight apple juice they wanted and Mommy made sure to defrost all the Easter chocolate so we could be sure to send them home with happy, full bellies. (I was a good Mommy for six weeks.......for the last 30 minutes I was a cool and fun Mommy - that was my special going away prize...mainly for the grandparents........ I gotta say, it felt REALLY good.) Shame on me. :)
WHY US?
During our last meal, Iain looked at me and said, "Why us?" Why were we chosen for all of this."
I don't know the full answer to that question, but I do know this much:
We were chosen, because God needed our "yes" to move in these little lives and in this messy situation. It was the most difficult and scary yes of our lives and we know not everyone could make that choice. We have a bible full of examples of how God used the "yeses" of very simple, ordinary people to make mighty and extraordinary things happen.
You can get much more simple and ordinary that Iain & I.
God used many "yeses" of special people to bring about a level of protection for Maddie & Collin:
* The "yeses" of Marcia Schexnider and Marjorie Long and the many dedicated workers of New Life Counseling who continually intervened as angels in the lives of all four of these children from the very beginning and who provided for the birthparents when they could not or would not provided for the children.
* The "yes" of "Aunt Jeanne" (and her family) who was an absolute savior in beginning the physical, emotional and spiritual healing of the kids. In my opinion, Jeanne was their first "real" mother and their first model of true unconditional love.
* The "yes" of our social worker, Koni Bridges, who helped us "bridge" the transition of the children to our home and help us determine how to deal with our major concerns for the kids.
* The "yes" of "Aunt Dana" whose tireless hours of help, organization and coordination afforded us precious time with our children and most of our necessary supplies of clothing, toys, etc. (and there were MANY other generous and meaningful contributions in this area!)
* The "yes" of our psychologist, Pat Post, who is filled with integrity, wisdom, compassion and who has the best interest of children at heart.
* The "yes" of Sid Rosteet, our attorney, who has gained our complete trust and respect for not only representing us and our interests, but for being an absolute champion, hero and undying advocate for these 2 children their entire lives (and all the children he's ever helped through adoption)
* The "yes" of our family and closest friends who took the time to meet, get to know and truly love Maddie and Collin and who treated them as they were always part of our family and would always be.
I believe the roadblocks in this case were because of "no's" that key figures answered to the call of God:
* The "no" of the judge who was to hear this case and did not allow essential information to be heard and did not automatically recuse himself despite the obvious conflict of interest.
* The "no" of the court appointed attorney for the children who neglected to familiarize himself with the case, make preparations for it or to contact the children (through us) to find out the concerns of the situation.
* The "no" of the birthfather when he repeatedly made irresponsible and reckless decisions and continued to place these two children in danger.
* The “no” of the birthmother to remove the children from danger and to make poor choices prior to the surrender of the children
* The "no" of the grandparents who waited four years to do anything to protect these children from the obvious mistakes the parents were making.
* The "no" of the birthfather's attorney to any ethical treatment of this case, for his bullying threats, his blatant conflict of interest with OCS.......don't even start me on this one!
***** I refuse to name these "players" in this unfortunate drama, not because they don't deserve it, but because we have tried to take the moral high ground throughout this whole crazy journey. How they can sleep at night, I'll never know. Just be assured that we do not have a legal system that is completely fair and that many of the casualties of the faulty system are innocent children.
We believe God used us to rally the troops of prayer warriors for these children. There are literally thousands of people who are praying for them now.......thanks to all of YOUR yeses and prayers. We might not have been able to change the circumstances of their lives, but prayer can. We may never know how much all of our prayers will have affected the outcome of their lives.
We could not fight all of the legal issues and injustices in this case, but now people's eyes are opened and prayer has the power to affect the changes in ways we were limited. Maybe the birthfather and his family will be inspired to change. We can only hope.
It occurred to me that our "Holy Week" wasn't 2 weeks ago.......it was this week.
* It included our Garden of Gethsemane where the desperate prayer was "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
* It included the Last Supper when we became painfully aware that the end was near
* It included an unfair trial which should have never happened
* It included a confrontation with public officials who should have acted more justly
* It included a long, lonely walk to what looked to be the darkest day of our lives
* It includes an unimaginable and cruel ending
* And it includes our time in the tomb for God to do His thing.
As we lie in our “tomb” we now await Resurrection.
In all honesty, Iain and I doing okay. It’s been another opportunity to build and reveal our character as well as to strengthen our marriage. There's an old Dolly Parton song that's entitled, "It's All Wrong, But It's Alright." We are alright regardless of how wrong this all seems. We will be fine.
If you remember my first email a couple of months ago I talked about how "we make plans and God laughs" Here's a little more ironical laughter for you...........
* last week, we bought a flippin' mini-van! a MINI VAN!!!! (but we LOVE it!)
* my profession is now a "stay-at-home ex-mom" - how's that for a title
* we've got a theme park in our backyard that you can see a block away.... and no kids
* we figure the next time most of you see us we'll either be 40 pounds lighter or 40 pounds heavier........it could go either way at this point.
My first email also included a quote from Katherine Hepburn (of all people) that we had included in our adoption profile:
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, and everything to do with what you are expecting to give ~ which is EVERYTHING."
We gave everything we had. God blessed it (and us) and made it abundant. We were parents to Maddie and Collin for six blessed, glorious, challenging weeks. We will love them as our own until our dying breaths (and even beyond.) Please continue to pray for them and those who are charged with their care. We know that the next weeks for them will be so confusing and full of questions and grief.
Thank you, again, for loving, supporting and praying for all of us.
After this email........I may not be writing one for a while. (I think my keyboard is actually smoking as I write!!) I will eventually respond to your emails and calls....just give me time.
And please know that this is not the last chapter in our adoption story. We know God has plans for us and our family. (We would not mind a bit if the next chapter in our story was a little less eventful. We much prefer “vanilla” to “rocky road.”)
With love and gratitude,
Maria & Iain
www.fotki.com/lewisfamily (photos)
Yesterday was our day of closure with Maddie and Collin.
We woke up that morning in our very quiet house feeling like we were getting ready to go to a funeral, not believing the turn of events that led us here.
LEGAL MESS
An hour before our appointment with the psychologist, our attorney had called giving us even more information about birth family and their shenanigans; even more damaging evidence against the birth father; and even more testimony of how people were supporting us and even wanting to raise money to help us continue the fight and expose the injustices and get a lot of this information on public record, etc.
We looked at each other and just shook our heads. We knew that no amount of money, fight, or exposure would ever change the situation without causing more damage to the children. The children, and their needs, have always been our focus.
If I outlined everything we know about this case for you, no one would ever believe me. It was very clear in the meeting with the birth father's parents that the we had already been set up for failure and the odds were stacked against us in a very unfair & unjust manner (and trust me when I tell you that is not the original way I worded that sentence.)
You'll be happy to know that although this influential figure that I've spoken of (who I don't mind saying now....is also a judge) and his wife got an earful of "truth" from my mouth when I realized their was no way they were going to let this go. I told them that I thought their kids (the birth parents) were incompetent, irresponsible, immature and not in the best interest of these kids. I also told them that I knew that Iain and I were the best parents for these children regardless of what studies say that "it has been proven that is ALWAYS better for the kids if the biological parents raise them." Yeah, that was the judge's quote. Scary, huh?
Had we chosen to pursue this adoption with a possible 10% chance of winning, our lives would have been filled with fear for ourselves and the children and we would never have been able to provide the secure environment that these kids deserve. Please know that we DID fight for these kids. We made this decision to withdraw from the legal proceedings FOR them. We did NOT give up on them and we did not act out of fear. Our decision was made out of love.
BACK TO OUR DAY
As we traveled to see the psychologist (which was actually should have been Maddie's appointment for evaluation) we discovered that anger feels a heck of a lot better than the intense grief that we had been immersed in. Whatever energy grief sucked out of us.........anger was pouring back in.
I probably don't have to mention that the psychologist was no less than stunned at the turn of events in this situation. For someone who works rather closely with the legal system, it was apparent to her that there were major inconsistencies and highly unusual (and dare I say, unethical behavior [my word choice - not hers]) in this case.
She gave us sound advice on how to bring closure to our relationship with Maddie & Collin and what our final conversation with them should include. What brought us the greatest peace was that she validated our decision and told us that in this case, the more courageous thing was to legally withdraw instead of pursuing an ugly, long and fruitless legal battle...especially since it was in the best interest of the children. For us, that was the icing on the cake.
THE CHERRY ON TOP
We left the psychologist's office to pick up Maddie and Collin. We could never have prepared ourselves for what that visit would be like.
Those who have seen the children with us know the strong attachment and love they have for us. When we got to the grandparents house, Maddie would hardly look at us. She clung to the grandmother like we were dangerous strangers. Collin did come running to us. But he, too, was different. Maddie didn't even want to come home with us at first. She softened after a few minutes and we loaded them up and headed to our house.
They would squeak out forced smiled occasionally but their eyes were cast downward. Iain and I were in disbelief that in 36 hours, these kids were changed. I just shook my head and looked at Iain saying, "Oh my God, they are not our kids anymore." They were not the same kids, with the same sparkle in their eyes.
We had asked the grandparents the other night that they refrain from correcting the kids when they referred to us as "Mommy and Daddy" at least until we could tell them goodbye and explain why they would no longer see us. We have no doubt that was not honored, and can only imagine what they were told. They seemed dazed and confused.
We are pretty certain too that their coping mechanisms kicked in and their apparent detachment was survival for them. I'm sure being in their old environment surfaced their old behaviors. Their sweet little spirits and impeccable manners were all but gone. They fought with each other (rare in our home), Collin was kicking and throwing things (even more rare) and bubbly constant conversation had turned into occasional comments. We were shocked.
We thought that the first day we met Collin & Maddie was the most bizarre day of our lives. These precious kids we had never seen before were calling us "Mommy and Daddy" and it felt so strange. This last day was equally as bizarre if not even more. We had so much difficulty wrapping our brains around it all - we could only imagine what their little minds were thinking.
Our Last Supper
One of our favorite parts of our everyday life with these kids has always been meal time. They always swung out their hands, said their blessings and, on their own, concluded with, "Thank you, Jesus, por our pood." (They couldn’t say the “f” sound.) They were always so cute and funny at meal time.
For the past six weeks, almost all of their meals were homemade and we filled them with fruits and vegetable and the healthiest of foods....hardly any refined sugar. No soda or juice. Their health improved drastically.
Our last meal was a greasy little pizza from Pizza Hunt, all the soda and straight apple juice they wanted and Mommy made sure to defrost all the Easter chocolate so we could be sure to send them home with happy, full bellies. (I was a good Mommy for six weeks.......for the last 30 minutes I was a cool and fun Mommy - that was my special going away prize...mainly for the grandparents........ I gotta say, it felt REALLY good.) Shame on me. :)
WHY US?
During our last meal, Iain looked at me and said, "Why us?" Why were we chosen for all of this."
I don't know the full answer to that question, but I do know this much:
We were chosen, because God needed our "yes" to move in these little lives and in this messy situation. It was the most difficult and scary yes of our lives and we know not everyone could make that choice. We have a bible full of examples of how God used the "yeses" of very simple, ordinary people to make mighty and extraordinary things happen.
You can get much more simple and ordinary that Iain & I.
God used many "yeses" of special people to bring about a level of protection for Maddie & Collin:
* The "yeses" of Marcia Schexnider and Marjorie Long and the many dedicated workers of New Life Counseling who continually intervened as angels in the lives of all four of these children from the very beginning and who provided for the birthparents when they could not or would not provided for the children.
* The "yes" of "Aunt Jeanne" (and her family) who was an absolute savior in beginning the physical, emotional and spiritual healing of the kids. In my opinion, Jeanne was their first "real" mother and their first model of true unconditional love.
* The "yes" of our social worker, Koni Bridges, who helped us "bridge" the transition of the children to our home and help us determine how to deal with our major concerns for the kids.
* The "yes" of "Aunt Dana" whose tireless hours of help, organization and coordination afforded us precious time with our children and most of our necessary supplies of clothing, toys, etc. (and there were MANY other generous and meaningful contributions in this area!)
* The "yes" of our psychologist, Pat Post, who is filled with integrity, wisdom, compassion and who has the best interest of children at heart.
* The "yes" of Sid Rosteet, our attorney, who has gained our complete trust and respect for not only representing us and our interests, but for being an absolute champion, hero and undying advocate for these 2 children their entire lives (and all the children he's ever helped through adoption)
* The "yes" of our family and closest friends who took the time to meet, get to know and truly love Maddie and Collin and who treated them as they were always part of our family and would always be.
I believe the roadblocks in this case were because of "no's" that key figures answered to the call of God:
* The "no" of the judge who was to hear this case and did not allow essential information to be heard and did not automatically recuse himself despite the obvious conflict of interest.
* The "no" of the court appointed attorney for the children who neglected to familiarize himself with the case, make preparations for it or to contact the children (through us) to find out the concerns of the situation.
* The "no" of the birthfather when he repeatedly made irresponsible and reckless decisions and continued to place these two children in danger.
* The “no” of the birthmother to remove the children from danger and to make poor choices prior to the surrender of the children
* The "no" of the grandparents who waited four years to do anything to protect these children from the obvious mistakes the parents were making.
* The "no" of the birthfather's attorney to any ethical treatment of this case, for his bullying threats, his blatant conflict of interest with OCS.......don't even start me on this one!
***** I refuse to name these "players" in this unfortunate drama, not because they don't deserve it, but because we have tried to take the moral high ground throughout this whole crazy journey. How they can sleep at night, I'll never know. Just be assured that we do not have a legal system that is completely fair and that many of the casualties of the faulty system are innocent children.
We believe God used us to rally the troops of prayer warriors for these children. There are literally thousands of people who are praying for them now.......thanks to all of YOUR yeses and prayers. We might not have been able to change the circumstances of their lives, but prayer can. We may never know how much all of our prayers will have affected the outcome of their lives.
We could not fight all of the legal issues and injustices in this case, but now people's eyes are opened and prayer has the power to affect the changes in ways we were limited. Maybe the birthfather and his family will be inspired to change. We can only hope.
It occurred to me that our "Holy Week" wasn't 2 weeks ago.......it was this week.
* It included our Garden of Gethsemane where the desperate prayer was "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
* It included the Last Supper when we became painfully aware that the end was near
* It included an unfair trial which should have never happened
* It included a confrontation with public officials who should have acted more justly
* It included a long, lonely walk to what looked to be the darkest day of our lives
* It includes an unimaginable and cruel ending
* And it includes our time in the tomb for God to do His thing.
As we lie in our “tomb” we now await Resurrection.
In all honesty, Iain and I doing okay. It’s been another opportunity to build and reveal our character as well as to strengthen our marriage. There's an old Dolly Parton song that's entitled, "It's All Wrong, But It's Alright." We are alright regardless of how wrong this all seems. We will be fine.
If you remember my first email a couple of months ago I talked about how "we make plans and God laughs" Here's a little more ironical laughter for you...........
* last week, we bought a flippin' mini-van! a MINI VAN!!!! (but we LOVE it!)
* my profession is now a "stay-at-home ex-mom" - how's that for a title
* we've got a theme park in our backyard that you can see a block away.... and no kids
* we figure the next time most of you see us we'll either be 40 pounds lighter or 40 pounds heavier........it could go either way at this point.
My first email also included a quote from Katherine Hepburn (of all people) that we had included in our adoption profile:
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, and everything to do with what you are expecting to give ~ which is EVERYTHING."
We gave everything we had. God blessed it (and us) and made it abundant. We were parents to Maddie and Collin for six blessed, glorious, challenging weeks. We will love them as our own until our dying breaths (and even beyond.) Please continue to pray for them and those who are charged with their care. We know that the next weeks for them will be so confusing and full of questions and grief.
Thank you, again, for loving, supporting and praying for all of us.
After this email........I may not be writing one for a while. (I think my keyboard is actually smoking as I write!!) I will eventually respond to your emails and calls....just give me time.
And please know that this is not the last chapter in our adoption story. We know God has plans for us and our family. (We would not mind a bit if the next chapter in our story was a little less eventful. We much prefer “vanilla” to “rocky road.”)
With love and gratitude,
Maria & Iain
www.fotki.com/lewisfamily (photos)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
With Heavy Hearts....
Dear Family and Friends,
We are at a complete loss as to how to even begin this email. Court did not go well today and it became painfully apparent that we were fighting a losing legal battle. We thought that sitting down with the birthfather's parents was our last hope. (Mind you, the grandfather was the "influential" figure we spoke of earlier.)
We outlined all of our concerns with the kids, our intentions and love for them, and our hope to not cause any more trauma in their little lives. The meeting was fruitless and Iain and I quickly discovered that we were being manipulated and deceived. Because we have only had the best interest of Maddie and Collin at heart, we discerned that fighting beyond this point would only postpone the inevitable which would be more harmful to the children.
It is with such heavy hearts that we tell you that Maddie and Collin have been returned to their birthfather's family. Iain and I have an appointment scheduled with the psychologist on Wednesday at which time we will ask for direction on how to bring healthy closure to our relationship with the children. We will pick the kids up Wednesday afternoon for our last visit and to somehow explain to them why they will not be coming back to our home. We don't intend to make it a made-for-TV-movie drama, but we refuse to be part of their abandonment story. We'll be honest and upbeat and consider the recommendations of the psychologist.
Even though we knew of the risks from the beginning, we had no idea that today would technically be our last day with them. We are obviously distraught and broken-hearted and filled with concern for the kids, but we feel it important to say that we are also filled with faith. We don't believe God has forsaken us or Maddie and Collin, for that matter.
We know, with every bit of confidence that we have walked every step of this path in faith. We have prayerfully discerned every decision and can honestly say that we have absolutely no regrets in our choices nor in our actions. That doesn't mean we understand why this has unfolded the way it has. We may never understand that, but we are called to trust that there is a Master Plan and a bigger picture.
To those who have graciously offered support, prayer, clothes, toys, books and other treasures, meals, play dates, visits, playground equipment etc.........we will ALWAYS remember your kindness and are absolutely certain that you have had a profound impact on the lives of Maddie and Collin.
To those who have young children who have befriended Maddie and Collin.......we are so very sorry for those difficult conversations you have ahead of you in explaining this to your them. We hold great sadness in our hearts for them and for you. You are in our prayers.
We know that their is a lot of grief and healing ahead of us. Please remain in prayer for that process......continuing to include Maddie and Collin and their grief and healing. We are broken and feeling pretty empty right now, and we volley in between anger at the injustice and peace in knowing we have answered God's call - even to the bitter end.
Thank you for sharing in this sacred, significant chapter in our lives. We know that we are changed.......in a beautiful and a good way. We ask for God's blessings on all of you for supporting us through this whole journey.
We are at a complete loss as to how to even begin this email. Court did not go well today and it became painfully apparent that we were fighting a losing legal battle. We thought that sitting down with the birthfather's parents was our last hope. (Mind you, the grandfather was the "influential" figure we spoke of earlier.)
We outlined all of our concerns with the kids, our intentions and love for them, and our hope to not cause any more trauma in their little lives. The meeting was fruitless and Iain and I quickly discovered that we were being manipulated and deceived. Because we have only had the best interest of Maddie and Collin at heart, we discerned that fighting beyond this point would only postpone the inevitable which would be more harmful to the children.
It is with such heavy hearts that we tell you that Maddie and Collin have been returned to their birthfather's family. Iain and I have an appointment scheduled with the psychologist on Wednesday at which time we will ask for direction on how to bring healthy closure to our relationship with the children. We will pick the kids up Wednesday afternoon for our last visit and to somehow explain to them why they will not be coming back to our home. We don't intend to make it a made-for-TV-movie drama, but we refuse to be part of their abandonment story. We'll be honest and upbeat and consider the recommendations of the psychologist.
Even though we knew of the risks from the beginning, we had no idea that today would technically be our last day with them. We are obviously distraught and broken-hearted and filled with concern for the kids, but we feel it important to say that we are also filled with faith. We don't believe God has forsaken us or Maddie and Collin, for that matter.
We know, with every bit of confidence that we have walked every step of this path in faith. We have prayerfully discerned every decision and can honestly say that we have absolutely no regrets in our choices nor in our actions. That doesn't mean we understand why this has unfolded the way it has. We may never understand that, but we are called to trust that there is a Master Plan and a bigger picture.
To those who have graciously offered support, prayer, clothes, toys, books and other treasures, meals, play dates, visits, playground equipment etc.........we will ALWAYS remember your kindness and are absolutely certain that you have had a profound impact on the lives of Maddie and Collin.
To those who have young children who have befriended Maddie and Collin.......we are so very sorry for those difficult conversations you have ahead of you in explaining this to your them. We hold great sadness in our hearts for them and for you. You are in our prayers.
We know that their is a lot of grief and healing ahead of us. Please remain in prayer for that process......continuing to include Maddie and Collin and their grief and healing. We are broken and feeling pretty empty right now, and we volley in between anger at the injustice and peace in knowing we have answered God's call - even to the bitter end.
Thank you for sharing in this sacred, significant chapter in our lives. We know that we are changed.......in a beautiful and a good way. We ask for God's blessings on all of you for supporting us through this whole journey.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Desperate Prayer Request....
Dear Family and Friends,
This is just a brief note to say we are in DESPERATE NEED OF PRAYER. Apparently the judge hearing the case (Bradbury) is not allowing a lot of important information in and they are actually scheduled to try the case at 3:30pm. It's not good.
Our attorney is very discouraged, but not completely hopeless. Whatever prayer you can offer his way would be greatly appreciated. We only want the best for these precious children.
This is just a brief note to say we are in DESPERATE NEED OF PRAYER. Apparently the judge hearing the case (Bradbury) is not allowing a lot of important information in and they are actually scheduled to try the case at 3:30pm. It's not good.
Our attorney is very discouraged, but not completely hopeless. Whatever prayer you can offer his way would be greatly appreciated. We only want the best for these precious children.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Easter Joy
Dear Friends & Family,
It certainly was a joyous Easter for the Lewis clan. They kids had a beautiful day and just enjoyed having the attention and love they crave and so deserve. So many people showered them with Easter prizes which thrilled them - but of course, the day after they are sitting here on the floor playing with the empty plastic Easter eggs having the best time. It doesn't take much.
The last couple of weeks have been really good overall. Iain's mom & dad came down to meet the munckins and spend time some quality time with them. It was a wonderful visit. My parents are "Grandma & Grandpa" to the kids and Iain's folks are the Spanish version: "Abuelita & Abuelito." Maddie pronounces them beautifully - which makes the Lewis' beam. Collin's version of their names are "Peta & Peto" which is so adorable and brings them equal joy. The Lewis' stayed with my parents at night since nights at our house are still a little stressful. (Night Terrors and nightmares still occur on a regular basis....but they are improving in terms of quantity, duration and sometimes intensity.)
During their visit, Iain caught that nasty stomache flu and later that evening so did Collin. I only THOUGHT that scooping out poop in the tub gained me membership into the Mothers' Club.......not so. Collin got sick 6 times within about four hours.........twice on me (yuck), once in his bed, once on the air mattress I moved him to, once on the fabric chair I placed him on while I searched for clean clothes and the grand finale...........in the bathtub. (Trust me when I tell you that I would MUCH prefer scooping poop out of the tub.) In between Collin's episodes, Iain was getting sick, although he didn't get much attention from me that night since it was my opintion that he 'infected" my baby. And to top it all off -- Maddie's night terrors punctuated each round of "sick." Of course, I had about three loads of laundry going during the festivities and finally got to sleep around 6am. I had to wake up at 7am to get ready to show up for an appointment to the child psychologist. I'm sure I made a FANTASTIC impression on her. Oh well.........my Mothers' Club card is completely valid now....that's all that matters.
Our days are MUCH better with fewer and fewer breakdowns. (Let me make it clear that the KIDS have much fewer breakdowns.....I have mine fairly regularly! :) A couple of weeks ago some of our dear friends got together and bought the kids an amazing wooden swingset/slide and came to our home to install it. It only took 4 1/2 hours with seven adults (three engineers in the bunch.) It was like an old-fashioned barn-raising. Uncle Vinnie got them a cool trampoline and as well as an above ground pool waiting to be assembled. We refer to our backyard as "Lewis Land" now. People have been SO good.
LEGAL UPDATE: We're in the thick of it now and it's starting to get VERY sticky. The good news is that our attorney is asking for serious prayer. The bad news is that our attorney is asking for serious prayer. The case, on its own, is a no-brainer. The problem is that the birthfather's relatives are very influential people which could affect the outcome adversely.
The hearing is set for next Monday, March 31st. It could be delayed and actually, the more time our attorney has, the better. We are begging for prayers. Even though we have so much evidence and documentation that would typically be a slam-dunk for us......this case is very political because of who is involved. Ultimately, we want the best for Maddie and Collin. We know we are not perfect, but we truly believe that our home is the best for them.
As big and scary as this situation is........we truly believe that God is bigger, stronger and more influential than the people involved. We appreciate your support and prayers and love. Please continue to remember us, our attorney, the judge, etc. in your prayers....and of course....Maddie & Collin.
www.fotki.com/lewisfamily
(more pictures)
It certainly was a joyous Easter for the Lewis clan. They kids had a beautiful day and just enjoyed having the attention and love they crave and so deserve. So many people showered them with Easter prizes which thrilled them - but of course, the day after they are sitting here on the floor playing with the empty plastic Easter eggs having the best time. It doesn't take much.
The last couple of weeks have been really good overall. Iain's mom & dad came down to meet the munckins and spend time some quality time with them. It was a wonderful visit. My parents are "Grandma & Grandpa" to the kids and Iain's folks are the Spanish version: "Abuelita & Abuelito." Maddie pronounces them beautifully - which makes the Lewis' beam. Collin's version of their names are "Peta & Peto" which is so adorable and brings them equal joy. The Lewis' stayed with my parents at night since nights at our house are still a little stressful. (Night Terrors and nightmares still occur on a regular basis....but they are improving in terms of quantity, duration and sometimes intensity.)
During their visit, Iain caught that nasty stomache flu and later that evening so did Collin. I only THOUGHT that scooping out poop in the tub gained me membership into the Mothers' Club.......not so. Collin got sick 6 times within about four hours.........twice on me (yuck), once in his bed, once on the air mattress I moved him to, once on the fabric chair I placed him on while I searched for clean clothes and the grand finale...........in the bathtub. (Trust me when I tell you that I would MUCH prefer scooping poop out of the tub.) In between Collin's episodes, Iain was getting sick, although he didn't get much attention from me that night since it was my opintion that he 'infected" my baby. And to top it all off -- Maddie's night terrors punctuated each round of "sick." Of course, I had about three loads of laundry going during the festivities and finally got to sleep around 6am. I had to wake up at 7am to get ready to show up for an appointment to the child psychologist. I'm sure I made a FANTASTIC impression on her. Oh well.........my Mothers' Club card is completely valid now....that's all that matters.
Our days are MUCH better with fewer and fewer breakdowns. (Let me make it clear that the KIDS have much fewer breakdowns.....I have mine fairly regularly! :) A couple of weeks ago some of our dear friends got together and bought the kids an amazing wooden swingset/slide and came to our home to install it. It only took 4 1/2 hours with seven adults (three engineers in the bunch.) It was like an old-fashioned barn-raising. Uncle Vinnie got them a cool trampoline and as well as an above ground pool waiting to be assembled. We refer to our backyard as "Lewis Land" now. People have been SO good.
LEGAL UPDATE: We're in the thick of it now and it's starting to get VERY sticky. The good news is that our attorney is asking for serious prayer. The bad news is that our attorney is asking for serious prayer. The case, on its own, is a no-brainer. The problem is that the birthfather's relatives are very influential people which could affect the outcome adversely.
The hearing is set for next Monday, March 31st. It could be delayed and actually, the more time our attorney has, the better. We are begging for prayers. Even though we have so much evidence and documentation that would typically be a slam-dunk for us......this case is very political because of who is involved. Ultimately, we want the best for Maddie and Collin. We know we are not perfect, but we truly believe that our home is the best for them.
As big and scary as this situation is........we truly believe that God is bigger, stronger and more influential than the people involved. We appreciate your support and prayers and love. Please continue to remember us, our attorney, the judge, etc. in your prayers....and of course....Maddie & Collin.
www.fotki.com/lewisfamily
(more pictures)
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The Eagles Have Landed...
Dear Friends and Family,
The Lewis house seems A LOT smaller these days. As of Friday, February 22nd, Maddie and Collin have been lovingly received into our home for good (God willing!!) It wasn't until yesterday that Iain and I realized that we have been too busy to actually share that good bit of news with most folks. (We're deep in survival mode, as you can well imagine.)
Just a brief update:
The transition overall is MUCH smoother than we could have hoped for. Life feels very natural and normal, but at the same time - very bizare and dreamlike. It's almost like we went to sleep and someone pressed the fast forward button on our lives and we woke up four years later.
Anytime we all have to leave the house, Maddie & Collin get a little nervous. They want to be SURE they are coming back to Mommy and Daddy's house. Even though this is a good change for them, they are still operating in "chaos mode" where instability, inconsistancy and mistrust were the norm. They've each had their melt downs, but we are aware that their little histories are just catching up with them. We are certain that time, prayer and faith in God will bring them to a place of healing. Until then, we're prepared for bumps in the road.
They are truly precious children and we spend a lot of our day laughing. We get the biggest kick out of their conversations and expressions. They are both FULL of personality and soak up the attention and love that people offer them. Interestingly, they play very well together and indpendently and have amazing ability to occupy themselves.
We've had a couple of really great, uneventful nights and a couple of really rough ones (night terrors, changing sheets, etc.)
I'm enclosing the link to our "Fotki" photosharing website. This is where I'll put updated pictures of our new life together (There are a lot of older pictures there too.) You can save it in your favorites and check it at your leisure. You can actually order any of the prints for 9 cents a copy and they'll send the photos to your nearest Target. (Not a bad deal.) There's also a Journal page (blog) that I'll eventually update so I won't have to clog up your inboxes. It might take me a few days.
So here's the address. www.fotki.com/lewisfamily . Hopefully you can access it easily. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we make this monumental transition. There's a chance that the legal road ahead may be long and complicated so please hold that in prayer as well. Today, we're all about living in "the now."
Thanks you again for all your good wishes, thoughts and prayers. We are uplifted.
Love and blessings,
Maria & Iain
P.S. Yesterday Maddie saw a portrait of me in my wedding dress. She gasped as her eyes widened. She whispered with great joy, "Look Mommy, you're a pwincess!!"
I think we're gonna be JUST fine!!! :)
The Lewis house seems A LOT smaller these days. As of Friday, February 22nd, Maddie and Collin have been lovingly received into our home for good (God willing!!) It wasn't until yesterday that Iain and I realized that we have been too busy to actually share that good bit of news with most folks. (We're deep in survival mode, as you can well imagine.)
Just a brief update:
The transition overall is MUCH smoother than we could have hoped for. Life feels very natural and normal, but at the same time - very bizare and dreamlike. It's almost like we went to sleep and someone pressed the fast forward button on our lives and we woke up four years later.
Anytime we all have to leave the house, Maddie & Collin get a little nervous. They want to be SURE they are coming back to Mommy and Daddy's house. Even though this is a good change for them, they are still operating in "chaos mode" where instability, inconsistancy and mistrust were the norm. They've each had their melt downs, but we are aware that their little histories are just catching up with them. We are certain that time, prayer and faith in God will bring them to a place of healing. Until then, we're prepared for bumps in the road.
They are truly precious children and we spend a lot of our day laughing. We get the biggest kick out of their conversations and expressions. They are both FULL of personality and soak up the attention and love that people offer them. Interestingly, they play very well together and indpendently and have amazing ability to occupy themselves.
We've had a couple of really great, uneventful nights and a couple of really rough ones (night terrors, changing sheets, etc.)
I'm enclosing the link to our "Fotki" photosharing website. This is where I'll put updated pictures of our new life together (There are a lot of older pictures there too.) You can save it in your favorites and check it at your leisure. You can actually order any of the prints for 9 cents a copy and they'll send the photos to your nearest Target. (Not a bad deal.) There's also a Journal page (blog) that I'll eventually update so I won't have to clog up your inboxes. It might take me a few days.
So here's the address. www.fotki.com/lewisfamily . Hopefully you can access it easily. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we make this monumental transition. There's a chance that the legal road ahead may be long and complicated so please hold that in prayer as well. Today, we're all about living in "the now."
Thanks you again for all your good wishes, thoughts and prayers. We are uplifted.
Love and blessings,
Maria & Iain
P.S. Yesterday Maddie saw a portrait of me in my wedding dress. She gasped as her eyes widened. She whispered with great joy, "Look Mommy, you're a pwincess!!"
I think we're gonna be JUST fine!!! :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
They'll melt your heart...
Dear Friends and Family,
What a week! We've had the highest of highest and the lowest of lows, but we all we can say for sure is that we are right where we are supposed to be.
The biggest event of the week is that we met Madison (Maddie) and Collin for the first time (and have seen them every day since.) Everyone told us how precious and beautiful they were, but we weren't prepared for having our breath taken away. (Not to mention our hearts.)
I spent the whole day with them yesterday and Iain and I went back again to til late last night. They are very comfortable with us and are sponges when it comes to love and affection. They couldn't be more lovable.
We were introduced to them as "Mommy Maria" and "Daddy Iain" ~ which was a little awkward for us, but we're all adjusting. Yesterday they actually dropped the Maria & Iain and just refered to us as Mommy & Daddy. (Is this all really happening?)
We meet with the attorney today to discuss all the legal intricacies of the situation. It's going to be challenging and possible somewhat sticky, so your prayers are needed in that regard.
And lastly, we want to introduce you to the first of a GAZILLION pictures of Maddie & Collin. Have these little faces in your mind and heart as you keep them in prayer.
In closing, I just want to thank you for ALL your support, emails, calls, and especially your prayers. We are riding on the wings of those prayers and are SO very grateful for them.
What a week! We've had the highest of highest and the lowest of lows, but we all we can say for sure is that we are right where we are supposed to be.
The biggest event of the week is that we met Madison (Maddie) and Collin for the first time (and have seen them every day since.) Everyone told us how precious and beautiful they were, but we weren't prepared for having our breath taken away. (Not to mention our hearts.)
I spent the whole day with them yesterday and Iain and I went back again to til late last night. They are very comfortable with us and are sponges when it comes to love and affection. They couldn't be more lovable.
We were introduced to them as "Mommy Maria" and "Daddy Iain" ~ which was a little awkward for us, but we're all adjusting. Yesterday they actually dropped the Maria & Iain and just refered to us as Mommy & Daddy. (Is this all really happening?)
We meet with the attorney today to discuss all the legal intricacies of the situation. It's going to be challenging and possible somewhat sticky, so your prayers are needed in that regard.
And lastly, we want to introduce you to the first of a GAZILLION pictures of Maddie & Collin. Have these little faces in your mind and heart as you keep them in prayer.
In closing, I just want to thank you for ALL your support, emails, calls, and especially your prayers. We are riding on the wings of those prayers and are SO very grateful for them.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
We make plans...God laughs
Dear Friends and Family,
You might be familiar with the saying, "We make plans and God laughs." We have become very familiar with that concept. The past several days of our lives have been FILLED with God's laughter.
A week ago Friday...
we got a call from the director of our agency. She invited us to consider an usual situation that had arisen for them. They had a little boy and girl (siblings) that had become available in an unfortunate chain of events. The little girl is four and the little boy is two years old and their mother had been a client of New Life Counseling over the last four years. The staff immediately thought of us because they felt we could offer the sort of stable home environment that they could really flourish in.
We were a little more than stunned by the proposition. They were looking to place the children immediately. The director asked if we wanted to come to the attorney's office to hear all the details, so I immediately got off the phone and spoke with Iain. All we kept saying was, "We know we could do it, and our heart would love to do it, but it's not a baby - it's not the way we planned it." We were open to any gender and any race, we just wanted the experience of parenting a newborn. We chose domestic adoption specifically because we wanted an infant. We were sure that we were supposed to hold out for a baby. Surely God wanted that for us too.
It was with a heavy heart that we called the director back and said that we were going to have to pass on these sweet little children. We were prepared for a lot of struggles and disappointments in the adoption process but nothing prepared us to say "no" to a child (much less two children!) We felt okay with our choice and figured that if they were supposed to be our children, that God would make it known.
The plot thickens...God laughs!
Two days later, Iain boarded a plane to Canada for a week of training for his job. His plane wasn't in the air a couple of hours before my phone rang. It was the agency director again.
(Insert God's laughter!) She was calling again about these children. She had been trying all weekend to place them, but kept getting closed doors. "Every just wants babies." she said. "If you would only know these kids, you would absolutely fall in love. They are a dream - happy, effervescent, laid back. That is a miracle considering there story.
Their story...(short form)
Four years ago their birthmother gave birth to Madison (the girl). She and the birthfather (who unfortunately is a drug addict, abusive and unstable) immediately conceived again and knew they couldn't parent another child. They placed the second child for adoption.
Immediately afterward they got pregnant for a third time and planned on placing that child for adoption until the birthfather found out it was a boy. So, they chose to parent the little boy (Collin). Once again they get pregant immediately afterward and subsequently place the fourth child for adoption with the same adoptive couple who had the first child. (This becomes important later.)
How Madison and Collin become available for placement?
This past December, the drug addicted birthfather kicked the birthmother and Madison and Collin out of the house they were living in. They lived in their car for weeks until the birthmom couldn't take it anymore. She finally got to a breaking point of years of abuse from this man and the stress of trying to raise these kids. She went to New Life Counseling, where she had been going for years and expressed her desire/need to surrender her parental rights - she just couldn't do it anymore. She told the children, "Mama has to go to work, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."
The agency immediately thought of the adoptive family of the other two and asked them if they would consider parenting the two siblings of their two adopted children. You can imagine how overwhelming that must have been, but in the past they told the birthmom they would take whatever kids she ever had.
Adoptive Couple said 'yes' and began to parent Madison and Collin along with their full siblings. UNTIL last Friday. They are doing a great job for the past month - Madison and Collin are calling them "Mama & Daddy" and then a month into it, Adoptive Parents call New Life Counseling and say, "We thought we could do this, but we can't. We need to bring them (Madison & Collin) back. So, these precious children are again brought back to New Life Counseling and Adoptive Couple says to the children, "Mama & Daddy have to go to work now, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."
The Long and Short of It
These kids have been through the ringer and according to the social worker's and other professional's opinions, they are absolute miracle in that they show such amazing signs of health, vitality and are amazingly well-adjusted.
Iain and I never thought twice about the ability to offer these children what they need. The idea of starting a ready-made family was as exciting as it seemed, daunting. We just had to do some MAJOR soul-searching and praying to find out what God was calling us to. We had to be very honest in the fact that we had a strong desire to parent our first child from infancy. We were even open to older children down the road. (Mind you, we have had our nursery complete with everything, except a baby for months now.)
So, of course, as I'm praying, consulting professionals, analyzing the 'bejeebees' out of the situation, I keep hearing God's voice in my heart saying, "So let me get this straight, you are okay and at peace with everything about this situation except the order of it?" (Insert God's laughter AGAIN) That pretty much summed it up. Sounded a little silly put like that. But we really knew we had to honor our feelings, no matter how ridiculous.
As the week wore on and as Iain and I would talk (long distance - remember, he was still in Canada) the idea became more and more comfortable and peaceful, but it was still HUGE. We knew we wouldn't make a decision until we were reunited and could be in the same room.
This past week the kids are staying with a precious lady (who works as a counselor at the agency) and her family. They are thriving and happy. They don't even ask for their "other" sets of parents.
For those of you who are wondering, we have not yet seen the kids - and that has been intentional on our part. They offered to sent pictures or for us to go see them where they are staying. We knew, that we wanted to make our decision first. We knew the decision would become even more emotional once we've seen them. We knew that we had to discern God's will for US.
Our Decision
Friday night when Iain got home we had a nice dinner and caught up about his trip and then finally brought up the issue of these children. We had already exhausted most of details surrounding the situation, we just had to decide if this is what we were being called to.
We didn't talk all that long until we realized that both of us were prepared to say "YES" to parenting these children and "YES" to God's call to us.
Intrestingly, the day before I ran across our Adoption Profile (which is a Scrapbook that tells our family story and which would possibly be a tool for expectant birthparents to help choose adoptive families for their unborn babies.) The title page had a picture of Iain and I and a quote from Katherine Hepburn (of all people!!) The quote was:
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
and everything to do with what you are expecting to give ~
which is EVERYTHING."
That was NO coincidence, in my opinion.
Where do we go from here?
We have a meeting today with the director of the agency to get ALL the information on the kids and their history. Then, in the next couple of days, we meet with our attorney and deal with all the legal risks, obstacles, financial commitments, etc.
And of course, it's time to finally see the kids. As laid-back and well as they're adjusting, we want to be very careful to make a smooth transition. We'll spend several days visiting them and then taking them on outings, then having them over until we feel that it's right to have them stay with us.
We will not be "mommy and daddy" initially. That will happen in time and by the grace of God. We just have to shower them with love and attention and help them adjust to their new lives with us.
What to pray for...
* Please pray for Madison and Collin and that whatever happens, they will be blessed, protected and loved.
* Pray for all of us in this unusual transition and as we all get to know each other and love each other.
* Pray that the legal component of this won't be as difficult and costly as it could potentially be. (Cost is secondary. of course, we'll do what we have to do.)
* Pray for the family who they are staying with now, that God will bless them abundantly for what they've blessed these children with.
Apologies...
I have NEVER written an email this long and I pray I will never do it again. I know people don't have the time to read so much, but I wanted you to know as much as we do. And if I have to actually tell this whole story one more time, I think my tongue might fall off!! :)
So, we'll keep you update with MUCH shorter emails...and hopefully pictures and stories of a blessed transition into the world of parenthood. Please know we are SO grateful for your continuing support and love.
You might be familiar with the saying, "We make plans and God laughs." We have become very familiar with that concept. The past several days of our lives have been FILLED with God's laughter.
A week ago Friday...
we got a call from the director of our agency. She invited us to consider an usual situation that had arisen for them. They had a little boy and girl (siblings) that had become available in an unfortunate chain of events. The little girl is four and the little boy is two years old and their mother had been a client of New Life Counseling over the last four years. The staff immediately thought of us because they felt we could offer the sort of stable home environment that they could really flourish in.
We were a little more than stunned by the proposition. They were looking to place the children immediately. The director asked if we wanted to come to the attorney's office to hear all the details, so I immediately got off the phone and spoke with Iain. All we kept saying was, "We know we could do it, and our heart would love to do it, but it's not a baby - it's not the way we planned it." We were open to any gender and any race, we just wanted the experience of parenting a newborn. We chose domestic adoption specifically because we wanted an infant. We were sure that we were supposed to hold out for a baby. Surely God wanted that for us too.
It was with a heavy heart that we called the director back and said that we were going to have to pass on these sweet little children. We were prepared for a lot of struggles and disappointments in the adoption process but nothing prepared us to say "no" to a child (much less two children!) We felt okay with our choice and figured that if they were supposed to be our children, that God would make it known.
The plot thickens...God laughs!
Two days later, Iain boarded a plane to Canada for a week of training for his job. His plane wasn't in the air a couple of hours before my phone rang. It was the agency director again.
(Insert God's laughter!) She was calling again about these children. She had been trying all weekend to place them, but kept getting closed doors. "Every just wants babies." she said. "If you would only know these kids, you would absolutely fall in love. They are a dream - happy, effervescent, laid back. That is a miracle considering there story.
Their story...(short form)
Four years ago their birthmother gave birth to Madison (the girl). She and the birthfather (who unfortunately is a drug addict, abusive and unstable) immediately conceived again and knew they couldn't parent another child. They placed the second child for adoption.
Immediately afterward they got pregnant for a third time and planned on placing that child for adoption until the birthfather found out it was a boy. So, they chose to parent the little boy (Collin). Once again they get pregant immediately afterward and subsequently place the fourth child for adoption with the same adoptive couple who had the first child. (This becomes important later.)
How Madison and Collin become available for placement?
This past December, the drug addicted birthfather kicked the birthmother and Madison and Collin out of the house they were living in. They lived in their car for weeks until the birthmom couldn't take it anymore. She finally got to a breaking point of years of abuse from this man and the stress of trying to raise these kids. She went to New Life Counseling, where she had been going for years and expressed her desire/need to surrender her parental rights - she just couldn't do it anymore. She told the children, "Mama has to go to work, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."
The agency immediately thought of the adoptive family of the other two and asked them if they would consider parenting the two siblings of their two adopted children. You can imagine how overwhelming that must have been, but in the past they told the birthmom they would take whatever kids she ever had.
Adoptive Couple said 'yes' and began to parent Madison and Collin along with their full siblings. UNTIL last Friday. They are doing a great job for the past month - Madison and Collin are calling them "Mama & Daddy" and then a month into it, Adoptive Parents call New Life Counseling and say, "We thought we could do this, but we can't. We need to bring them (Madison & Collin) back. So, these precious children are again brought back to New Life Counseling and Adoptive Couple says to the children, "Mama & Daddy have to go to work now, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."
The Long and Short of It
These kids have been through the ringer and according to the social worker's and other professional's opinions, they are absolute miracle in that they show such amazing signs of health, vitality and are amazingly well-adjusted.
Iain and I never thought twice about the ability to offer these children what they need. The idea of starting a ready-made family was as exciting as it seemed, daunting. We just had to do some MAJOR soul-searching and praying to find out what God was calling us to. We had to be very honest in the fact that we had a strong desire to parent our first child from infancy. We were even open to older children down the road. (Mind you, we have had our nursery complete with everything, except a baby for months now.)
So, of course, as I'm praying, consulting professionals, analyzing the 'bejeebees' out of the situation, I keep hearing God's voice in my heart saying, "So let me get this straight, you are okay and at peace with everything about this situation except the order of it?" (Insert God's laughter AGAIN) That pretty much summed it up. Sounded a little silly put like that. But we really knew we had to honor our feelings, no matter how ridiculous.
As the week wore on and as Iain and I would talk (long distance - remember, he was still in Canada) the idea became more and more comfortable and peaceful, but it was still HUGE. We knew we wouldn't make a decision until we were reunited and could be in the same room.
This past week the kids are staying with a precious lady (who works as a counselor at the agency) and her family. They are thriving and happy. They don't even ask for their "other" sets of parents.
For those of you who are wondering, we have not yet seen the kids - and that has been intentional on our part. They offered to sent pictures or for us to go see them where they are staying. We knew, that we wanted to make our decision first. We knew the decision would become even more emotional once we've seen them. We knew that we had to discern God's will for US.
Our Decision
Friday night when Iain got home we had a nice dinner and caught up about his trip and then finally brought up the issue of these children. We had already exhausted most of details surrounding the situation, we just had to decide if this is what we were being called to.
We didn't talk all that long until we realized that both of us were prepared to say "YES" to parenting these children and "YES" to God's call to us.
Intrestingly, the day before I ran across our Adoption Profile (which is a Scrapbook that tells our family story and which would possibly be a tool for expectant birthparents to help choose adoptive families for their unborn babies.) The title page had a picture of Iain and I and a quote from Katherine Hepburn (of all people!!) The quote was:
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
and everything to do with what you are expecting to give ~
which is EVERYTHING."
That was NO coincidence, in my opinion.
Where do we go from here?
We have a meeting today with the director of the agency to get ALL the information on the kids and their history. Then, in the next couple of days, we meet with our attorney and deal with all the legal risks, obstacles, financial commitments, etc.
And of course, it's time to finally see the kids. As laid-back and well as they're adjusting, we want to be very careful to make a smooth transition. We'll spend several days visiting them and then taking them on outings, then having them over until we feel that it's right to have them stay with us.
We will not be "mommy and daddy" initially. That will happen in time and by the grace of God. We just have to shower them with love and attention and help them adjust to their new lives with us.
What to pray for...
* Please pray for Madison and Collin and that whatever happens, they will be blessed, protected and loved.
* Pray for all of us in this unusual transition and as we all get to know each other and love each other.
* Pray that the legal component of this won't be as difficult and costly as it could potentially be. (Cost is secondary. of course, we'll do what we have to do.)
* Pray for the family who they are staying with now, that God will bless them abundantly for what they've blessed these children with.
Apologies...
I have NEVER written an email this long and I pray I will never do it again. I know people don't have the time to read so much, but I wanted you to know as much as we do. And if I have to actually tell this whole story one more time, I think my tongue might fall off!! :)
So, we'll keep you update with MUCH shorter emails...and hopefully pictures and stories of a blessed transition into the world of parenthood. Please know we are SO grateful for your continuing support and love.
Monday, October 1, 2007
And so it begins...
Dear Family & Friends,
We wanted to updated everyone on our journey through the adoption process. As of yesterday we've completed our last bit of "homework" necessary to make us ready and available to receive a baby. (Woo hoo!) We've through with the immeasurable paperwork, home study visits, background checks, adoption profile (sort of like a portfolio of our life that birthmothers can choose adoptive parents from), and finally the visit with the attorney. So, as far is we're concerned, we're done with "labor" and are waiting for "delivery." We consider ourselves officially "expecting."
Of course, the question of the day is "How long will it take?" Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing, but here's the good news. The two directors of the agency (New Life Counseling), our social worker and our attorney all have been INCREDIBLE to work with. We feel so blessed that God lead us toward each one of them. None of them stand to make a profit with this or any adoption they're involved with and they are all doing it for the sake of the babies and all the decisions they make are discerned in prayer. (How refreshing!)
All of them have affirmed us and have told us that the others on the team keep telling them, "We've got to find this couple a baby." Of course, they don't solicit babies, but they feel so confident that we are ready for placement. We know that God has already chosen our children, so it's just a matter of everything to line up and having all the doors open for God to move.
Back to the timing issue.....they don't think it's going to take as long as we're prepared for. It could be a matter of a birthmother choosing us and we wait the few weeks/ months until she delivers, or it could be that a baby's been born at the hospital to a mother who is unable or unwilling to parent and we go and pick him/her up!
Either way, we've have been forewarned by the professionals that we're embarking on a roller coaster ride. There can be mothers who change their minds at the last minute, legal complications, medical/financial issues, etc. Sooooo......we're asking for prayers from you guys.
- Prayers for these birhmothers, that they choose life and make wise choices for these babies
- Prayers for the professionals working with these women and with us.
- Prayers for Iain and I that we can meet whatever challenges and graces that lie ahead and that we prepare well for parenthood.
The last thing our attorney said to us was, "Folks, it never fails........there's always a Christmas baby." Hmmmmm. Maybe a baby before the year is out! But really, any day we are united with our baby will be Christmas for us!
Apologies for the lengthy letter. Consider yourselves officially "caught up" and jump on the prayer wagon with us!
We wanted to updated everyone on our journey through the adoption process. As of yesterday we've completed our last bit of "homework" necessary to make us ready and available to receive a baby. (Woo hoo!) We've through with the immeasurable paperwork, home study visits, background checks, adoption profile (sort of like a portfolio of our life that birthmothers can choose adoptive parents from), and finally the visit with the attorney. So, as far is we're concerned, we're done with "labor" and are waiting for "delivery." We consider ourselves officially "expecting."
Of course, the question of the day is "How long will it take?" Unfortunately, there's no way of knowing, but here's the good news. The two directors of the agency (New Life Counseling), our social worker and our attorney all have been INCREDIBLE to work with. We feel so blessed that God lead us toward each one of them. None of them stand to make a profit with this or any adoption they're involved with and they are all doing it for the sake of the babies and all the decisions they make are discerned in prayer. (How refreshing!)
All of them have affirmed us and have told us that the others on the team keep telling them, "We've got to find this couple a baby." Of course, they don't solicit babies, but they feel so confident that we are ready for placement. We know that God has already chosen our children, so it's just a matter of everything to line up and having all the doors open for God to move.
Back to the timing issue.....they don't think it's going to take as long as we're prepared for. It could be a matter of a birthmother choosing us and we wait the few weeks/ months until she delivers, or it could be that a baby's been born at the hospital to a mother who is unable or unwilling to parent and we go and pick him/her up!
Either way, we've have been forewarned by the professionals that we're embarking on a roller coaster ride. There can be mothers who change their minds at the last minute, legal complications, medical/financial issues, etc. Sooooo......we're asking for prayers from you guys.
- Prayers for these birhmothers, that they choose life and make wise choices for these babies
- Prayers for the professionals working with these women and with us.
- Prayers for Iain and I that we can meet whatever challenges and graces that lie ahead and that we prepare well for parenthood.
The last thing our attorney said to us was, "Folks, it never fails........there's always a Christmas baby." Hmmmmm. Maybe a baby before the year is out! But really, any day we are united with our baby will be Christmas for us!
Apologies for the lengthy letter. Consider yourselves officially "caught up" and jump on the prayer wagon with us!
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