We make plans...God laughs

Dear Friends and Family,

You might be familiar with the saying, "We make plans and God laughs." We have become very familiar with that concept. The past several days of our lives have been FILLED with God's laughter.

A week ago Friday...
we got a call from the director of our agency. She invited us to consider an usual situation that had arisen for them. They had a little boy and girl (siblings) that had become available in an unfortunate chain of events. The little girl is four and the little boy is two years old and their mother had been a client of New Life Counseling over the last four years. The staff immediately thought of us because they felt we could offer the sort of stable home environment that they could really flourish in.

We were a little more than stunned by the proposition. They were looking to place the children immediately. The director asked if we wanted to come to the attorney's office to hear all the details, so I immediately got off the phone and spoke with Iain. All we kept saying was, "We know we could do it, and our heart would love to do it, but it's not a baby - it's not the way we planned it." We were open to any gender and any race, we just wanted the experience of parenting a newborn. We chose domestic adoption specifically because we wanted an infant. We were sure that we were supposed to hold out for a baby. Surely God wanted that for us too.

It was with a heavy heart that we called the director back and said that we were going to have to pass on these sweet little children. We were prepared for a lot of struggles and disappointments in the adoption process but nothing prepared us to say "no" to a child (much less two children!) We felt okay with our choice and figured that if they were supposed to be our children, that God would make it known.

The plot thickens...God laughs!
Two days later, Iain boarded a plane to Canada for a week of training for his job. His plane wasn't in the air a couple of hours before my phone rang. It was the agency director again.
(Insert God's laughter!) She was calling again about these children. She had been trying all weekend to place them, but kept getting closed doors. "Every just wants babies." she said. "If you would only know these kids, you would absolutely fall in love. They are a dream - happy, effervescent, laid back. That is a miracle considering there story.

Their story...(short form)
Four years ago their birthmother gave birth to Madison (the girl). She and the birthfather (who unfortunately is a drug addict, abusive and unstable) immediately conceived again and knew they couldn't parent another child. They placed the second child for adoption.
Immediately afterward they got pregnant for a third time and planned on placing that child for adoption until the birthfather found out it was a boy. So, they chose to parent the little boy (Collin). Once again they get pregant immediately afterward and subsequently place the fourth child for adoption with the same adoptive couple who had the first child. (This becomes important later.)

How Madison and Collin become available for placement?
This past December, the drug addicted birthfather kicked the birthmother and Madison and Collin out of the house they were living in. They lived in their car for weeks until the birthmom couldn't take it anymore. She finally got to a breaking point of years of abuse from this man and the stress of trying to raise these kids. She went to New Life Counseling, where she had been going for years and expressed her desire/need to surrender her parental rights - she just couldn't do it anymore. She told the children, "Mama has to go to work, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."

The agency immediately thought of the adoptive family of the other two and asked them if they would consider parenting the two siblings of their two adopted children. You can imagine how overwhelming that must have been, but in the past they told the birthmom they would take whatever kids she ever had.

Adoptive Couple said 'yes' and began to parent Madison and Collin along with their full siblings. UNTIL last Friday. They are doing a great job for the past month - Madison and Collin are calling them "Mama & Daddy" and then a month into it, Adoptive Parents call New Life Counseling and say, "We thought we could do this, but we can't. We need to bring them (Madison & Collin) back. So, these precious children are again brought back to New Life Counseling and Adoptive Couple says to the children, "Mama & Daddy have to go to work now, you stay here with Ms. Marcia."

The Long and Short of It
These kids have been through the ringer and according to the social worker's and other professional's opinions, they are absolute miracle in that they show such amazing signs of health, vitality and are amazingly well-adjusted.

Iain and I never thought twice about the ability to offer these children what they need. The idea of starting a ready-made family was as exciting as it seemed, daunting. We just had to do some MAJOR soul-searching and praying to find out what God was calling us to. We had to be very honest in the fact that we had a strong desire to parent our first child from infancy. We were even open to older children down the road. (Mind you, we have had our nursery complete with everything, except a baby for months now.)

So, of course, as I'm praying, consulting professionals, analyzing the 'bejeebees' out of the situation, I keep hearing God's voice in my heart saying, "So let me get this straight, you are okay and at peace with everything about this situation except the order of it?" (Insert God's laughter AGAIN) That pretty much summed it up. Sounded a little silly put like that. But we really knew we had to honor our feelings, no matter how ridiculous.

As the week wore on and as Iain and I would talk (long distance - remember, he was still in Canada) the idea became more and more comfortable and peaceful, but it was still HUGE. We knew we wouldn't make a decision until we were reunited and could be in the same room.

This past week the kids are staying with a precious lady (who works as a counselor at the agency) and her family. They are thriving and happy. They don't even ask for their "other" sets of parents.

For those of you who are wondering, we have not yet seen the kids - and that has been intentional on our part. They offered to sent pictures or for us to go see them where they are staying. We knew, that we wanted to make our decision first. We knew the decision would become even more emotional once we've seen them. We knew that we had to discern God's will for US.

Our Decision
Friday night when Iain got home we had a nice dinner and caught up about his trip and then finally brought up the issue of these children. We had already exhausted most of details surrounding the situation, we just had to decide if this is what we were being called to.

We didn't talk all that long until we realized that both of us were prepared to say "YES" to parenting these children and "YES" to God's call to us.

Intrestingly, the day before I ran across our Adoption Profile (which is a Scrapbook that tells our family story and which would possibly be a tool for expectant birthparents to help choose adoptive families for their unborn babies.) The title page had a picture of Iain and I and a quote from Katherine Hepburn (of all people!!) The quote was:

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get,
and everything to do with what you are expecting to give ~
which is EVERYTHING."

That was NO coincidence, in my opinion.

Where do we go from here?
We have a meeting today with the director of the agency to get ALL the information on the kids and their history. Then, in the next couple of days, we meet with our attorney and deal with all the legal risks, obstacles, financial commitments, etc.

And of course, it's time to finally see the kids. As laid-back and well as they're adjusting, we want to be very careful to make a smooth transition. We'll spend several days visiting them and then taking them on outings, then having them over until we feel that it's right to have them stay with us.

We will not be "mommy and daddy" initially. That will happen in time and by the grace of God. We just have to shower them with love and attention and help them adjust to their new lives with us.

What to pray for...
* Please pray for Madison and Collin and that whatever happens, they will be blessed, protected and loved.
* Pray for all of us in this unusual transition and as we all get to know each other and love each other.
* Pray that the legal component of this won't be as difficult and costly as it could potentially be. (Cost is secondary. of course, we'll do what we have to do.)
* Pray for the family who they are staying with now, that God will bless them abundantly for what they've blessed these children with.

Apologies...
I have NEVER written an email this long and I pray I will never do it again. I know people don't have the time to read so much, but I wanted you to know as much as we do. And if I have to actually tell this whole story one more time, I think my tongue might fall off!! :)

So, we'll keep you update with MUCH shorter emails...and hopefully pictures and stories of a blessed transition into the world of parenthood. Please know we are SO grateful for your continuing support and love.